UEFA Champions League: The night in pictures

We've got a bleeder!! Pierre Casiraghi of the Monaco Royals (it's a polo team) has only gone and done a Stiller in There's Something About Mary! He's using a club scarf to halt the bleeding but that thing needs proper medical attention! Real Madrid manager Carlo Ancelotti is still smarting from the fact that Ben Affleck beat him to the role of Batman. So much so that he's seriously considering taking things into his own hands in the true spirit of Gotham's favourite son. Watch your back, Affleck... This is a tender moment. Atletico Madrid's Raul Garcia has picked a high-profile Champions League game to profess his undying love for Arda Turan. The Turk is overcome with emotion and can hardly convey his happiness. He's dreamt of this moment so many times... Here is Juventus forwa...hold on a sec, Carlos Tevez is about to sneeze...oh no, it's gone. What we were going to say is here is...No wait, it's back again!...No, no it's gone. Anyway, this is Juventus forward Carlo...It's really here thi...JUST F*CKING SNEEZE... Referee William Collum and his friends are doing a sponsored walk from Lowestoft to Berlin to raise money for people whose knees click when they bend them. Sadly for all concerned, they've been misdirected by stupidly irresponsible signage.... A few of the lads at Juventus have set up a synchronised swimming team and hope to go professional some day. Sadly they don't have access to a swimming pool since their local baths closed. It means they have to practice on grass. They've all come on so well considering...apart from Arturo Vidal. He's still sh*t. Arda Turan, Diego Simeone and Germán Burgos (who isn't even German!) are trying to reenact the famous Abbey Road album cover. Sadly that absent-minded div Carlo Ancelotti has carelessly wandered into shot again. F*ck's sake. Take 21...