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01st Apr 2015

One-word player ratings from Italy 1-1 England


Nooruddean Choudry

England were largely poor in their friendly against Italy in Turin. After a dire first half things improved marginally but it took an incredible strike from substitute Andros Townsend to earn his side the stalest of stalemates.

Here’s a one-word rating for each England player. Most of them are lucky not get expletives…

Hart – Bystander
Clyne – Decline
Smalling – Unwell
Jagielka – Clearance
Gibbs – Slice
Henderson – Industrious
Jones – Submarine
Delph – Dogged
Rooney – Profligate
Walcott – Rusty
Kane – Human

Butland – LOL
Green – Unused
Cahill – Bored
Walker – Lost
Carrick – Steady
Townsend – Thwack
Mason – Meh
Bertrand – Minimal
Barkley – Direct

What words would you use to describe this rabble? Let us know @JOE_co_uk