Joey Barton reveals how he was tricked into thinking he was signing for Manchester United

Joey Barton thought he had finally made the big time in 2011.

The midfielder had been a professional footballer almost 10 years, having started out at Manchester City and later moved to Newcastle United. One England cap aside, the stage Barton thought befitted his talents had eluded him, and looked like continuing to do so after agreeing a free transfer to Queens Park Rangers. Barton recounts in his autobiography that he was driving to QPR's training ground with his agent Willie McKay to sign for the newly-promoted side, until a call came in from Sir Alex Ferguson, or someone who sounded a lot like him. He wanted to speak to Joey. "I've seen what you're up to on Sky," the 'Manchester United manager' said.

"Don't go doing anything silly now. Why don't you come here and we'll have a conversation?"

The two discuss Barton's potential role at Old Trafford, his ambitions and what they hope they will achieve together, and the midfielder is ecstatic.

"Hallelujah! Finally, a big club, and a great manager, had come to their senses. I would give Manchester United's midfield a bit of bite, an injection of urgency. 'What are you waiting for?' I asked McKay. 'Turn the bloody car round'."

At last, Joey's big moment had arrived. He'd be the midfield general United lacked since Roy Keane's departure, shake up the place and go on to win trophies and more England caps. Or not. Barton's agent burst into laughter and told him that he had a friend who could do an excellent impersonation of Ferguson, and had asked him to prank Barton. "There would be no curtain call at Old Trafford, the Theatre of Dreams," Barton writes.

"My destination was a run-down former students' sports ground on the Heathrow flight path."

You'd almost feel sorry for Barton, wouldn't you? Yeah, probably not.