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28th Jun 2017

JOE’s Transfer Digest – AC Milan pleased to return to awful transfers with Borini deal

AC Milan are reportedly eager for a return to signing awful players after a summer of good business so far

Wayne Farry

Welcome to JOE’s Transfer Digest, where we provide you with the footballing nourishment to get you through the barren days of summer.

The football season may not start in earnest for a few more weeks but that doesn’t mean the old rumour mill isn’t ticking along, producing transfer wheat for the hungry villagers.

Back to business for AC Milan

First up we’re going to the San Siro, where AC Milan have announced a return to truly horrific transfers in the form of their deal to bring to Fabio Borini to the club from Sunderland.

According to Italian media, the striker is on the verge of a return to Italy and Milan – keen to return to form after some inspired business so far – are eager to get him on board.

Speaking today, club sources admitted that the appeal to complete a massively misguided transfer for an inflated fee was too hard to resist.

“Fabio is really not a good player. He struggled at Chelsea and Liverpool, even Sunderland seemed a step too far, so it is with great pleasure we undo all the good work we’ve so far done and recruit him. We have made a host of wonderful signings this summer but signing the likes Borini – who we expect to struggle and eventually send on loan to Chievo – is our bread and butter,” said an official today.

Aubameyang set to complete dream move

Borussia Dortmund striker Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang has today been linked with a lucrative move to Chinese Super League side Tianjin Quanjian, potentially dispelling rumours of a move to another top European side.

The Gabonese striker, who has flourished since moving to Dortmund from Saint Etienne, admitted today that the move to China would be difficult to reject, especially in light of his childhood dream to make a sickening amount of money.

“Ever since I was a boy playing football with my friends I have dreamed of making just over half a million pounds per week,” said the striker. “People told me it was unrealistic and foolish to believe in such things but I knew better. This move would provide me with everything I want – lots of money – to feel complete, and if it happens I will be very proud.”

Gray keen to push football to its limits

Burnley striker Andre Gray is reportedly demanding a new contract worth close to £100,000-per-week, with the striker allegedly keen to see quite how far football’s financial madness can stretch.

Talking to the club’s in-house TV station, the forward said admitted that he was curious to see just how much a club was willing to offer a striker of his modest talents, especially given the current high-spending climate.

“I am not a good footballer,” said Gray yesterday. “I don’t score that much and don’t even contribute a massive amount. But everyone is getting paid a tonne of money these days so I’m keen to see if I can. It’ll be interesting if nothing else.”

And finally…

It has been reported that Turkish side Trabzonspor are prepared to meet Liverpool’s asking price for Brazilian Lucas Leiva.

The Reds have welcomed interest from the Turkish team, but have insisted that they remain open to their backup option of simply leaving the midfielder on the side of the road and seeing what happens.