In the past, if Manchester United were losing to a solitary goal at home, four minutes of injury-time would have heralded the real possibility of three points.
But on Saturday, the announcement was greeted with roars of fury. It was not the sound of hope but of pure exasperation. United would not have scored had the officials signalled another hour.
The combined attacking talents of Wayne Rooney, Robin van Persie, Radamel Falcao, Angel Di Maria, Juan Mata, Maroune Fellaini and Ashley Young were unable to break down a West Brom side who were simply organised and kept their shape.
If the freak nature of the Baggies’ winner was down to bad luck, the same cannot be said of United’s dismal profligacy in front of goal. Over four hours of impotence is not mere fluke. It’s a fatal flaw.
United were largely pathetic in the final third. This was partly due to star names doing little to justify their obscene wages, but mainly because of blinkered and obscure tactics that hurt the brain.
The official MUFC Twitter account declared ‘United still utterly dominant…you feel a first goal is close’ on the hour mark. It’s Sod’s Law that West Brom then scored, but the statement was sheer fallacy.
At no point did the home side look likely to score. Even as Van Persie stepped up to take his failed penalty, there was a sense that it would be missed anyway.
Supposedly impressive statistics such as 70% possession and a 90% passing accuracy only make Van Gaal’s tactics seem even more ridiculous. If you can’t win a game – or even score a goal – with dominance like that; well, you’re seriously f**ked.
It didn’t help that Fellaini was used as an enormous battering ram whilst actual strikers Rooney and Van Persie toiled deep in midfield. If this inside-out thinking was meant to be clever, it failed.
It was like trying to chop down a tree by head-butting it really hard for an hour and a half. Even if you’re stupid enough to think it will work, take a hint from the blood in your eyes and stop.
All this sorry bluntness was a far cry from Sir Alex Ferguson’s final game against the same opponents. It was 5-5 back then. This red vintage would do well to hit the net five more times this season – it’s that bad.
Just a few weeks ago, everything in the garden seemed so rosy. The first buds of Van Gaal’s carefully planted ‘ph*losophy’ were starting to bloom. Now United are as dull and forced as this extended metaphor.
The big Dutchman complained that his team’s 3-0 defeat to Everton last weekend had ‘opened the door’ to Liverpool. Today’s inept display provided the Anfield club with a veritable guard of honour.
Suddenly Crystal Palace (A), Arsenal (H) and Hull City (A) looks like an ominous run-in. A huge favour will probably be needed of Chelsea to ward off Liverpool, which is damning in itself. Top four should be secured, not gifted.
Some fans had previously scoffed at rumours linking the club with Christian Benteke and Danny Ings. But they’re not laughing now. United could have done with either today instead of the shower on show.
Not that it would have mattered; Van Gaal would only have deployed them as holding midfielders anyway.
