Edin Dzeko booked after foolishly trying to shithouse Pepe
You cannot shithouse a shithouse
Edin Dzeko has been around for a few years now. The former Manchester City striker is now 32 years old and he has seen a lot of things during his with City, Wolfsburg and now AS Roma.
It is this experience of his that makes it astonishing that he has apparently not picked up one thing: that you cannot, under any circumstances, shithouse a shithouse.
Few shithouses come as fully equipped with chaotic energy as Pepe. Sure, his former teammate Sergio Ramos is more of a refined shithouse - a suited and booted elbow to crotch - but Pepe has that raw, unbridled style of Batman's Two Face, if both faces were shithouses.
We all know this, but it appears that Dzeko missed the memo, judging by his attempts to get the Portuguese defender sent off on Wednesday night.
Dzeko's Roma side were trailing to Pepe's FC Porto 2-1 on the night in their Champions League second round second leg, when the two men came head-to-head in a disagreement.
Pepe appears to be seen shouting "fuck you" at the Bosnian forward before suddenly, like a felled tree, Dzeko falls to the ground clutching his face in clear, feigned agony.
As soon as night follows day, Pepe clashes with an opposition forward.
Embarrassing from Head-in Dzeko.. 🙈 pic.twitter.com/u3RFd1M12y
— Football on BT Sport (@btsportfootball) March 6, 2019
At this point referee Cuneyt Cakir had a decision to make. The thought that Pepe would headbutt an opponent is not too outlandish; in fact it might be more outlandish if he didn't headbutt an opponent, given the opportunity.
But rather than make his decision based on reputation, he made the decision based on Dzeko's clear attempts to get Pepe sent off, resulting in both players getting booked and Dzeko learning that if you're going to come for one of the world's best shithouses, you best not miss.