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22nd December 2017
10:24am GMT

Bless, they’re just having an in-depth analytical discussion with their friend but it seems they’re unaware of the fact that we can all see what they’re seeing. Listen, mate. If I wanted to hear Martin Tyler and Gary Neville talk about the game, I’d have stayed at home and watched it on TV. You can’t blame them, they’re just so into the game but their passion for the tactical side is a bit much.
All it takes is one misplaced pass and that guy two rows back starts to moan. “Crikey, we can’t string three passes together. Get it together boys!”, he shouts. We all feel your pain, mate, but save your anger for the inevitable collapse in the last ten minutes.
While most of us gave up on Fantasy Football after gameweek three when our goalkeeper was sent off and we forgot to replace our injured striker, there is always one fan who has maintained their team with a level of meticulous detail too intense for even Pep Guardiola or Antonio Conte. Analysing player’s form and upcoming fixtures to get ahead of the curve, their Fantasy Football success becomes so important that their loyalties become split. Every goal conceded has a silver lining and every goal scored has a potential downside. Get your priorities in order, buddy.

You know the type. They can’t hack the ubiquitous brand of the Premier League. “Back in my day, it was Division 1, and there were no names or sponsors on shirts!”, they’ll tell you. They’ve sat in the same seat for 40 years, have one of those pin badges sold outside the ground but nobody knows their actual name. These people provide the real magic of a matchday experience.