Grab a notebook – we know you need it
Sex should never be a chore or something you loathe doing – and yet with busy lives and a lot on our minds, our own sexual needs are sometimes subdued and labelled as frivolous.
However a sex expert – or ‘sexpert’ if you want to get all fancy – has revealed the most common mistakes couples make while getting frisky.
Sex toy retailer Uberkinky, who house some pretty out-there sex toys on their website, has an in-house ‘sexpert’ and she has revealed all.
Ruby Payne offers her insight into some of the most common mistakes couples make, reports the New York Post.
Sex is a journey and climaxing isn’t the end goal
Climaxing often seems like the end goal but it’s fairly anti-climactic to then roll over and watch TikTok in silence for three hours.
“An orgasm should be seen as a happy by-product of getting it on, rather than the goal. Sex is a journey, and focusing too much on orgasms puts a huge amount of pressure on both parties. And if there’s one thing that’s a mood-killer, it’s pressure,” Payne says.
She suggests enjoying sex “regardless of the outcome”, which for women, is probably devoid of orgasm anyway. Sorry Chad, you just ain’t as good as you think you are.
Tick tock tick tock
There are some situations where watching the clock is a method of survival like that last hour at work, before a big meeting or counting down the minutes before the in-laws vacate your living room and return home until next Christmas.
But sex should never be timed. Sure, hurried and rushed sex can be exhilarating but you don’t need to get out the stopwatch and role-play as Olympic time recorders.
Sex shouldn’t have a default position
“There’s a whole big wide world of sex positions out there,” says Payne.
“So it’s time to change it up.”
No one is suggesting that you need to copy every position in the Kama Sutra but sometimes shaking up the routine can bring much-needed excitement to the experience.
Ask yourself the question: “Do I like this position, or is it just easy?”
Your body is a temple
A small glass of wine can certainly heighten the mood but sensations are lost with each drink you slug down.
Another thing to be mindful of is how full or hungry you are before sex. If you are starving, you’re probably only going to think of a big cheeseburger the whole time, which is not exactly the sexiest food choice on the planet.
In contrast, you don’t want to feel stuffed to the point of practical paralysis.
Location Location Location
The bedroom is excellent but it can become so repetitive at times.
“Your goal isn’t to turn them on; your goal is to keep the desire alive,” Payne says.
She suggests bringing intimate actions into other areas and not just the bedroom. This doesn’t necessarily mean getting jiggy on the washing machine but can instead be a passionate kiss while cooking or skin-on-skin contact while watching a movie.
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