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21st Dec 2017

Magazine launches Christmas appeal for “lonely, separated and skint” Nigel Farage

“All he has to live on is an EU pension of just £73,000 a year”

Rich Cooper

For most, Christmas is a happy time. But not everyone is so lucky…

Nigel Farage has had a hard time. Brexit isn’t going the way he wanted, and he’s said that his time as an MEP fighting for Britain to leave the EU has left him poor and alone – “lonely, separated and skint,” as he puts it.

The poor soul.

The folks at Private Eye have taken pity on Nigel, launching their Christmas Appeal to help out the former UKIP leader.

“Spare a thought this Christmas for those less fortunate than yourselves, those who through their own fault have become friendless, isolated and self-pitying,” reads the Eye’s appeal.

“Our appeal this year is for Nigel, who at the age of just 53 has become redundant. Nigel is, in his own words, ‘lonely, separated and skint’, which also describes his vision of Britain.

“We’re asking you to dig deep in your pockets.All he has to live on is an EU pension of just £73,000 a year, topped up by the occasional handout from alt-right American philanthropists.”

So thoughtful!

And the Eye have laid out exactly how your donations will help Nigel: “£5 buys him a pint of Dunkirk brextra strong extremely bitter, £10 buys him a pack of 20 Downhill cigarettes (full-strength, unfiltered, half-cut)”.

Such a noble cause!

“Without your help, Nigel faces a desperate season of ill-will. Please, please, please ignore this request and give your money to a Spanish donkey sanctuary instead.”

Get your wallets out, folks. Nigel needs our help.