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22nd Dec 2018

Frankie Boyle urges country ‘forget Brexit and enjoy our last Christmas with running water’

The comedian tries to summarise a dire year in the UK

Oli Dugmore

frankie Boyle

The comedian tries to summarise a dire UK year

Frankie Boyle published a review of 2018 today. A Christmas round up, joy to the world.

The comedian provides bleak assessment of the year’s news and politics, worried that 2018 is beyond the pale of satire.

In his review, for the Guardian, Boyle said “Let’s forget Brexit and enjoy our last Christmas with running water.”

As well as Brexit, he covered Donald Trump, climate change and the murder of Jamal Khashoggi.

BIRMINGHAM, ENGLAND - OCTOBER 03:  British Prime Minister Theresa May dances as she walks out onto the stage to deliver her leader's speech during the final day of the Conservative Party Conference at The International Convention Centre on October 3, 2018 in Birmingham, England. Theresa May delivered her leader's speech to the 2018 Conservative Party Conference today. Appealing to the "decent, moderate and patriotic", she stated that the Conservative Party is for everyone who is willing to "work hard and do their best". This year's conference took place six months before the UK is due to leave the European Union, with divisions on how Brexit should be implemented apparent throughout.  (Photo by Jeff J Mitchell/Getty Images)

He opened with seven personal “lowlights” of the year:

  1. “Theresa May dancing on stage at the Conservative Party conference(choreographer Ray Harryhausen), looking like an uncloaked Dementor on a hen weekend.
  2. “A group of deranged kippers burning a cardboard effigy of Grenfell tower. They were later quizzed by police, and Kensington and Chelsea council, who asked them to quote for some public housing projects.
  3. “A senate grilling of Mark Zuckerberg, who gave the general impression of a Batman villain whose backstory is being given puberty-delaying drugs by a paedophile, and who seemed visibly relieved to be questioned on privacy concerns rather than Facebook’s monopoly power.
  4. “The continuing media fascination with Jacob Rees-Mogg, a man who has all the authenticity of a character at a murder-mystery weekend.
  5. “Philip Hammond delivering a budget speech so dry it was sponsored by Vagisil, making watching for 75 minutes feel like a gateway drug for necrophilia.
  6. “The hilarious emergence of the phrase ‘rules-based international order,’ which I like to imagine pronounced with the jaded, lisping irony of Gore Vidal, drunk on his deathbed.
  7. “The Palestinian right-of-return marches that demonstrated the old Israeli proverb, you can’t make an omelette without shooting protesters. Trump said the US was ‘fully committed to facilitating a lasting peace agreement.’ The lasting peace that will come about once Israel has shot all the Palestinians.”

Before going for Brexit specifically: “I say, let’s forget the worries of Brexit for a week or two, and just enjoy our last Christmas with running water. Brexit has many downsides, but I think it will be nice for the Irish to watch a British famine.

“A time where we no longer guess the fluctuations of the market, but our high priests stare into polished heads, newly bald from radiation sickness, and interpret the patterns cast by the light of flickering sewer-fat candles.”

Merry Christmas.