In defence of Donald Trump colouring in the American flag incorrectly
Guys, GUYS, guys, hear me out...
Yes, images have emerged of the 45th President of the United States, Donald Trump, colouring in his nation's flag incorrectly during a trip to a children's hospital in Ohio.
Yes, this is potentially damning evidence against the American President as it plays in favour of the common assumption that he is unintelligent.
Yes, it is probably one of the funniest things that has happened in what has otherwise been a truly garbage year.
— David Leavitt (@David_Leavitt) August 25, 2018
But with the world so visibly susceptible to spreading #FakeNews at the moment, we mustn't jump to conclusions. We owe it to ourselves to explore all possible explanations that could lead to such a shocking image emerging in the mainstream media.
We must give Trump the benefit of the doubt, as difficult as that might be.
Let's explore some solutions to this seemingly catastrophic blunder. Place your bets now on which excuse will be rehashed on the President's Twitter account in the coming days.
Maybe he was cheating off the child beside him?
Being the President of the United States means having to indulge in some unsavoury actions from time to time. It's a difficult job and one that undoubtedly comes with an intense amount of pressure on occasion. In this instance, Trump's mind could've been elsewhere. Maybe he was internally debating whether to have his fifth Diet Coke of the day before or after breakfast. This colouring exercise wasn't even in the daily itinerary. The President was blindsided, so he acted accordingly. You can't expect one man to have time for all things, it's physically impossible. His commitment to the United States was unexpectedly tested and rather than downright refusing to participate, he welcomed the challenge by copying off a young child who also has never seen the American flag before. Both now look foolish, but for very different reasons.
Maybe he was simply trying to have some fun?
When you're President, your schedule is going to be hectic. There's a huge number of appointments, appearances and meetings to attend on a daily basis. Sometimes, you barely get time to sit down and learn the lyrics to Baby Shark depending on your commitments. Trump often goes days without getting to do some colouring in, let alone with people of a similar mentality as himself. This was one of his more enjoyable outings, as evidenced by his fun and jazzy pre-approved red tie. Giddy with satisfaction at the day's schedule, Trump's mindset may have been slightly more jovial than usual. He probably coloured in the flag with gay abandon, even adding glitter after the above series of images were taken. Are we really going to deny the man a short burst of fun when he's currently at the centre of an ongoing FBI investigation into Russian interference with the 2016 election? Is colouring even a representative of reality? I've coloured an elephant purple before, ignoring logic and following my heart. It's not an indication of my intelligence, merely an expression of self. So what if the President of the United States doesn't know the American flag, he's done much worse.
Maybe the invisible fairies made him do it?
Look, we've all had dealings with the invisible fairies. They're a raucous bunch whose main goal has always been to cause trouble. For some, they tell you to eat your siblings' treats or call your Mum a 'big stupid idiot' when she says it's time to come home for dinner. One time, the invisible fairies told a young boy that he had to knock over every recycling bin on the street or he would be severely punished by the law. After a stern telling off from his parents, the boy revealed that the fairies told him to do it. As expected, his parents didn't believe him and he had to be put down on the grounds of insanity. The fairies rejoiced, another victim claimed. Donald Trump is the kind of man that obeys the invisible fairies. They own him and he will stop at nothing to prove his worth to these mystical folk. Look, it's a bold theory, but it certainly would explain a lot of his decisions over the past 18 months.
Maybe he was debuting a new reinvention of the American flag?
It's been in its current form since 1960 and frankly, it's long overdue an update. Sure, the colours are all perfectly sufficient, but where's the simplicity? Trump clearly wants something a little bit easier to recreate. As evidenced above, Trump has shaded the flag with a red stripe, white stripe and blue stripe. As long as this doesn't overlap with any other country's national flag, it should be a perfectly acceptable endeavour. It does seem a smidge familiar though, those three colours in striped formation like that. Hang on, doesn't Russia have a similar design? Actually no, that's completely different as it's ordered in white, blue then red. Trump has done red, white, then blue. They're completely different. Proceed. Nothing to see here, certainly not a subliminal revelation of his corruption. Nope.
Maybe he has simply never seen the American flag before?
It's not outside the realms of possibility that President Donald Trump has never locked eyes with the American flag before. There's many things people haven't seen, for example a realistic Jamie Oliver recipe that can be made in the time he states it can be cooked in, or a flaw exhibited by Beyoncé Knowles. Perhaps Trump simply hasn't crossed paths with this image before. Sure, there's a small American flag badge on his blazer in the above image, but how often do you look down at your own chest when you're a man? Not very. If anything, Donald Trump is a victim of circumstance. The #FakeNewsMedia will always find a way to berate him, regardless of how innocent the explanation for something may be. The President of the United States merely hasn't seen the American flag before. Is that a crime? One person can't see all of the things. It's just not feasible. The President of a country isn't exempt from limited knowledge. It's like a race car driver never seeing a race car. These things happen!
Maybe the image has been doctored?
*shouts through megaphone* FAKE NEWS!! Look, we can't rule out the possibility that the above series of images may have been Photoshopped. It happens all the time, we see it on magazine covers, all across Twitter and even in our own childhood photographs where it seems like we were ugly from the ages of 3-25. People are doctoring images with comedic and sometimes devious motives. We cannot ignore the fact that someone might be trying to falsely expose Donald Trump as being a moron who doesn't know the flag from his own country of which he is the President. Some Photoshop whizz could've used sophisticated techniques to make it look undeniably as though the man has put the wrong colour on the flag. That same person also has made it seem as though Trump has colluded with Russia to rig the election, attacked the FBI, failed to condemn the alt-right, etc etc etc. We are potentially dealing with a dangerous criminal, or quite simply, a truly disgusting man who's unfit for Presidency.
Images via Twitter