Crikey.
As we all know, it’s of the utmost importance to base your political beliefs solely on how symmetrical your favourite politician’s face is. If you’re using literally any other method then, respectfully, what the fuck are you playing at?
To get to the bottom of which politician has the most symmetrical face, I’ve Photoshopped them using extremely advanced technological methods that honestly you wouldn’t even understand.
Now, let’s secure some petrifying nightmares for tonight and also every other night until the sweet release of death catches up with us all.
Symmetrical Jeremy Corbyn looks like a very tired groundskeeper of the local football pitch who for some reason always has a sweeping brush with him even though his job doesn’t require any form of sweeping
Symmetrical Theresa May looks like a movie villain’s miniature sidekick who has a multitude of fetishes that become apparent throughout the course of the film. Her signature move is biting enemies with her singular sharpened tooth
Symmetrical Boris Johnson looks like that German Dad you meet on holidays who’s down at the swimming pool every morning at 6am to ensure he gets the towels down on four sun loungers before anyone else
Symmetrical Nigel Farrage is your friend’s Dad who always calls you the wrong name and shouts at the telly when there’s horse racing on
Symmetrical David Cameron is an Italian mobster who always orders two main courses in the local diner and tips the waitress after calling her a ‘nice piece’
Symmetrical Diane Abbott is a no-nonsense primary school principal who’s had just about enough of your shit today, sunshine
Symmetrical Ed Miliband was the school bully who found boxing (or did it find him?) and has used it as an outlet for his anger and frustration with the education system ever since
Symmetrical George Osborne contacts women on Twitter asking them to post him their socks in exchange for cash. If they don’t reply, he calls them ‘stuck up cows’
Symmetrical Tony Blair has been doing his best to hold it together since the divorce, for the kids’ sake, but sometimes he wonders was it all a big mistake now that she’s turned the weans against him
Symmetrical Margaret Thatcher is a world famous actress who has starred in such hit films as The Beach, We Need To Talk About Kevin and Adaptation, because she is Tilda Swinton
