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14th Feb 2018

Jess and Dom from Love Island got married live on TV and it’s being torn apart on social media

Stop this country, I want to get off


Stop this country, I want to get off

There’s a moment of realisation in most of our lives, epiphany. You’re stood in a phone box, chugging milk from a carton, unshaven and wearing last month’s clothes. Desperate, lonely, a parody of yourself.

And I think, as a society, we’re in the phone box. Are we going to realise? Because on Good Morning Britain today, Jess Shears and Dom Lever from Love Island got married, live. Married. Live.

Congratulations Britain. We’ve done it. We’ve reached the nadir of celebrity. I don’t know why I find it surprising. If someone’s willing to broadcast themselves shagging to the nation on prime time TV, it follows that their wedding should be too. But before the watershed, have some decency. It’s a natural conclusion, denouement.

The ceremony was a diorama of modern romance. Dom dressed as a butler in the buff moments before the final reveal, Jess in a traditional bikini and veil. They said their vows, they exchanged rings.

Wait for it, here comes the Twitter clap back.

Is this the future we want for ourselves? Why do we care? What is the point?

In the 1800s an old white guy wrote “Life imitates art far more than art imitates life.”

What a fucking picture this is.