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3rd August 2018
06:42pm BST
Everything should start with this scene. Murder documentaries, Peppa Pig episodes, Sky News breaking news segments, funeral eulogies. Everything.
The opening shot of Eddie Murphy is a 10/10 meme, which came at a time when memes weren't even a thing yet
What year did memes start? Early 2000s? Wrong. They started in 1993 when someone made the decision to project a large Eddie Murphy above a small Eddie Murphy.
Eddie Murphy grows a flower OUT OF HIS GODDAMN PETER POINTER
Inspector Gadget is shook. He is cancelled. He is packing away his trench coat, emptying the pockets of the unfathomable amount of gadgets it contains, like a bunch of clowns getting out of a tiny car.
Michael Jackson materialises out of a glittery forcefield to say 'Whazzzzzzup'
It is reasonable to assume that some form of narcotics were involved when the concept meeting for this music video took place. No allegations here, just a safe space for someone to admit their inspiration, should they feel like it.
Michael Jackson points to Eddie Murphy in the same way a young teen does to his mate in a nightclub photograph
Look at us young gentlemen, out and about enjoying a Smirnoff Ice to share. We are certainly above 18 years of age, despite our youthful appearances. We enjoy a beer and an alcohol, just like anyone else that is also definitely 18 years old, same as ourselves.
An explosion containing a snake, some musical notes and a heart-carrying dove takes place in the palm of Michael Jackson's hands
What else would Michael Jackson's hands have contained in 1993? Legally I cannot offer up my own answer to this question so I am inviting you to get in touch with yours.
Find someone who looks at you the way 1993 Eddie Murphy looks at 1993 Michael Jackson
There's no way to prove it, but I am certain that they had a tiny little kiss after the video wrapped. Nothing major, no tongue, but a very quick little peck.
Look! At! These! 1993! Graphics!
An off-centre border complete with four slowly rotating globes, within it two of the biggest artists at the time. Everyone's thinking it, so I'll just say it: This is Banksy.
Michael Jackson walks along a music scale while Eddie Murphy sings because this is simply how music is made
Calvin Harris saw this music video in 1993 and instantly wrote 'This Is What You Came For', the hit song featuring Rihanna. It was impressive given that he was 9 years old at the time, but such is the power of an impactful music video.
Eight more Michael Jacksons turn up to groove
What's better than Michael Jackson? Precisely eight more Michael Jacksons, that's what. Imagine if we had eight more Jackos wandering about the place today. The world wouldn't be the same.
A love heart that simply says 'Yes' materialises on Michael Jackson's forehead for a split second
Yes? Yes.
This one is better without a caption tbh
Everyone has this exact photograph in a photo album at home. Your Dad took it while you were at some kind of family event. You're doing bunny ears behind your cousin's head. Everyone has a red face and is a bit sweaty.
A choir full of kids shows up during the part of the song where Michael says "let the children sing"
What else was going to turn up? The clown whingeing about the dying elephant again? Get real, this is art.
Michael Jackson and Eddie Murphy engage in some extreme Dad dancing
Is this where Dad dancing originated? The visible belts, the hip thrusts, the limp arms. Is this it? Is this how it happened? Michael, did Eddie force you to do this?
One of the blurry choir kids thoroughly milks his five seconds of fame
Man like *consults notes* choir boy #5. What a champ. He peaked that day. He's now unemployed and spends his days telling disinterested family members about the time he sang with Michael Jackson and Eddie Murphy. They hate him so much.
Michael Jackson and Eddie Murphy shake hands, for no reason in particular. Perhaps they are agreeing to be best friends forever
Eddie: We should shake hands during the video
Michael: Why?
Eddie: Might look cool?
Michael: Ok. Should I bite my lip?
Eddie: Definitely
Michael: Cool, will do.
Potentially related to the handshake, Michael then grinds up on Eddie a little bit
The world was a different place in 1993. Everyone was grinding all up in everybody's business. Nobody had a cameraphone, so there's no evidence of it today. But it happened. A whole bunch of grinding.
Michael Jackson and Eddie Murphy, along with the entire choir comprised of schoolchildren have a terrific time dancing together
Give it six months and this will be a Twitter account called @MichaelandEddieDancingTo. Followers will tweet in their requests and some teen in his parents' house will set the video to different songs. The account will have 17k followers.
The music fades and Michael aggressively says "Whatzupwitu"
Damn. When Michael Jackson said "Whatzupwitu", I felt that. Really got me thinking, what is up with me? Too much to get into now though.
In the final scene, Eddie Murphy silences Michael Jackson for reasons that sadly may never come to light
Maybe he was about to tell us why they use microphones on Lip Sync Battle. Never going to find out now.
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