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12th July 2018
06:37pm BST
Drake has seen many things in his time. Perhaps he has seen it all, if you could even imagine that being possible. He's used to people coming up to him in clubs trying to get his attention. The man has simply never had a quiet night out. Everyone wants a piece of Aubrey 'Drake' Graham. So put yourself in his Gucci loafers for a moment, if you will. Drake is having a nice time 'up in the club'. He's wearing an obnoxiously large ring and a nice blazer. The man is at ease. But he has been approached by a magician wielding a lollipop asking redundant questions. 'What is this?', he asks, like a French teacher whose heart is broken trying to get basic vocabulary into your moronic brain. Drake is not on board with the exchange. But he sees the camera with its blinding flash and perseveres because that is simply what media-trained Drake does.
Act I, Scene II - Reluctant Enthusiasm
Having momentarily gathered himself and decided that it's best for his brand to not come out of this exchange looking like an arsehole, Drake gets to work on being an attentive magic trick spectator. The magician asked him what he's looking at, so he's going to play along and tell him what he undoubtedly wants to hear. "It's a lollipop", says Drake, like putty in the magician's hands. It's the modern day equivalent of when a birthday party magician asks you to say the magic words, which have no impact on the success of the trick in any capacity, but you play ball because you know it's going to bring the conclusion quicker and prevent the excruciating interaction from continuing any longer than it has to. This is Drake. He is a man who gives back to society, mainly by entertaining magicians' empty patter.
Act I, Scene III - Perseverence
Drake is involved now. He is an integral part of the act. The exchange has been going on for six seconds and he's still giving it his all. That kind of perseverance deserves some recognition. Drake's time is more precious than most. Six seconds in Drake time is like four hours in muggle time. Drake earns a million dollars a minute, probably. These six seconds are ones that he doesn't have to spare, but he still remains engaged in the trick. The magician asks who his favourite superhero is. Drake responds with 'Batman', which is a very typical Drake answer. It's a far better question than the initial one, which was borderline insulting for the rap giant. He visibly welcomes the genuine query into his personal interests. Look at his eyes, they've softened.
Act II, Scene I - Waning Patience
Drake's patience is visibly wearing thin at this point, despite still being in the early stages of the interaction. It's the magician's audacity at verifying his answer that's got his goat, and understandably so. Yes, he has said Batman. It was clearly spoken and at a suitable volume for that particular environment. If we, the general public, could hear it from a mobile phone video, you can be absolutely certain that the magician heard Drake's response. He's buying time, presumably in accordance with the setup of the trick. Apologies, magic is real. But it requires certain conditions to thrive. The magician is making Drake seem like an unclear speaker so that he can get the trick's components in order. Drake doesn't like this. Not one single solitary bit.
Act II, Scene II - Frustration
Upon clarifying that he was indeed saying Batman, Drake is surprised to see that the magician's next move involves his mouth. Had he been thinking clearly at the time, Drake would've seen this coming a mile off. It's a lollipop, so it's only going to go one of two places: In someone's mouth or directly into the bin. But Drake is taken aback. The magician threw his concentration with the previous query, so this was an unexpected addition to proceedings. Look at Drake's side eye. The addition of the magician's hype man saying the heavily scripted phrase "Wait, what's he doing?" in response to a trick that he has surely seen countless time before, has visibly angered Drake. Do not try to lure a response out of the holder of the record for most singles gaining platinum certification in one day. Don't you bloody well dare.
Act II, Scene III - Confusion
Look at the caption. Drake is questioning why he, a heavyweight of the rap industry, is being instructed to pull a lollipop stick out of some hard-of-hearing magician's mouth. He is not, in any respect, here for this. Drake is enjoying himself in a poorly lit club with a muffled sound system, he is not here to carry out rudimentary chores for the sake of a magician's shot at creating some viral content. He doesn't owe anyone a damn thing. He is a self-made king. Drake does not pull lollipops from anyone's mouth, not even his own. Why is this happening to him? 'How many Grammys do I need to win to not have to do this shit anymore?', he's wondering. Drake is baffled.
Act III, Scene I - Breaking Point
DRAKE HAS HAD ENOUGH. He is not built for this level of interaction with muggles. Drake will shake hands, take a photo, sign a boob, but he draws the line at pulling a lollipop stick from some magician's mouth. Would Warhol have done this? Biggy? Diddy? Twenty One Pilots? Drake is bigger than this nonsense. He's parted ways with the fact that his favourite superhero is Batman and that's far more information than this magician deserves. 'What the f%*$&?' indeed, Drake. You have had relations with Rihanna, you do not need to lower yourself to the level of a magician's assistant. This is what the hit song 'I'm Upset' is about, probably.
Act III, Scene II - Shock
Drake isn't sure what he's looking at here. The magician has partially consumed a lollipop and asked him to remove the remnants. Although the particular item in front of him hasn't quite come into focus just yet, Drake knows that it's going to be an unexpected outcome. Generally, a lollipop emerges from a mouth in a rounded sculpture before any biting has occurred. Drake's probably consumed dozens of lollipops in his time, we all have. But just what is this magician's game? When is the payoff going to become clear? Drake doesn't know the longevity of this particular magic trick, he's concerned that it's going to take too long to get there. An item has emerged from the magician's mouth, but what is it and more importantly, what does it represent?
Act III, Scene III - Uncertainty
Still fixated on the partially chewed lollipop, Drake's mind turns to a dark place. He's worried that the magician is playing him like a fiddle. This whole encounter was a ruse to make the good boy of rap look silly on camera. There's no magic trick going on, it's just a prank. Drake feels like a moron. He gave the magician his precious time and how is he repaid? With stupidity, a currency that Drake's bank simply does not recognise. This is the worst possible outcome. Drake trusted the magician, he even told him his favourite superhero. That's a tender piece of information straight from the confines of his precious little heart. Drake is mad at himself for assumedly being had.
Act IV, Scene I - Elation
HANG ON A SECOND IS THAT BATMAN? JESUS CHRIST IS THAT ACTUALLY BATMAN'S FACE ON A LOLLIPOP STICK? HAS THE MAGICIAN JUST BITTEN IT INTO THE SHAPE OF BATMAN INSIDE HIS MOUTH OVER THE COURSE OF ABOUT FOUR SECONDS? IS MAGIC REAL? DID PAUL DANIELS REALLY DIE? IS THE EARTH ACTUALLY FLAT? WAS PANGAEA A MYTH? THIS MAGICIAN IS THE GREATEST ILLUSIONIST OF ALL TIME. DAVID BLAINE IS CANCELLED. BATMAN IS REAL. DRAKE IS THE GREATEST RAPPER ALIVE. LIFE IS A BEAUTIFUL AND BOUNTIFUL GIFT UNTO ALL WHO ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO LIVE IT. ROBIN WILLIAMS WAS A GOOD MAN.
Act IV, Scene II - Forgiveness
Drake has reached the high that often comes with witnessing a magic trick up close. He is experiencing euphoria. He can smell noises, he can hear colours. This is ecstasy. Drake has persevered through the odds, through times of uncertainty and potential impending hardship. He is a survivor. The magic trick wasn't a hoax, it was real. It was an impressive trick and Drake is happy to be part of it. He was involved, he played the part and thankfully, the part didn't play him. They are at one now, Drake and the magician. Nothing can tear them down. Theirs is a bond that lasts precisely thirty seconds and nobody can ever take that away from them. Who would've thought, it turns out that this was all part of God's Plan.
Fin.
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