You have until midnight tonight to register to vote, and you’d better goddamn do it

At 23:59 tonight, voter registration will close.

If you haven't registered to vote, you won't be able to participate in the General Election on 8 June. And that'll be that. At this point we could rhapsodise about how important it is to have your say, that your vote can make a difference, that not all the parties are the same, that the outcome is not a foregone conclusion, that young people are the least likely to vote and therefore their vote matters most, that democracy is a right enshrined in law but also a privilege not afforded to others. We can say all that, because it's all true, and we just have. All of that means nothing if your name isn't on the register, so what we're actually going to say is: registering to vote is unbelievably easy. Here's what you do.

Step 1: Find your National Insurance number

You can find it on your payslip or on any benefits documents, or on your National Insurance card. If you haven't got this, you won't get much further, so go and find it now, or else it will find you.  

Step 2: Go to www.gov.uk/register-to-vote

Piece of cake. Just click this link. Or this one. Or this one. Or even this one. In fact, all of these links take you to the voter registration page. Except this one.  

Step 3: Follow the instructions

The website will ask you a bunch of piss-easy questions like "What is your name?" and "What is your date of birth?" If you're not sure what your name is or when you were born, phone your mum. Yes, even fuckheads like you can still vote. Go, phone her now.  

Step 4: That's it!

That is all you have to do. Once you do that, you can vote. You can cast the almighty fuck out of your ballot. You can mark an X in the box so hard the earth shakes. You can participate in democratic process with such fervour that your hands shake, your eyes turn to steel and bright white light streams from your pores. The only thing you have to do is do it. You've got until 23:59 tonight. Once you've registered, tell your friends and family, then tell them to tell everyone else. Register to vote.