"Go home America - you're drunk..."
We may scoff, we may hold our head in our hands in dismay; some may well punch the air in delight, whilst others weep into their Brexit-inflated Marmite on toast. Alas, it matters not a jot - Donald 'The Donald' Trump will be sworn in as the next President of the United States.
There are many around the globe who feel thoroughly let down and even angry at America as a nation. We are all stakeholders in their internal politics, with the US remaining a somewhat bloated and middle-aged superpower of the world. But America is America is America.
We cannot assume to tell them what to do - in fact we lost that privilege in the second half of the 18th century. They are the sole guardians of their own destiny and we are mere onlookers, hoping that the reverberations of their more seismic acts don't affect us too adversely.
We can however observe with fascination and wonder at the development of a still relatively young nation. They are the brash spoilt cousin to our eccentric and repressed (and teensy bit racist) old uncle. But today, perhaps for the first time, we can actually meet them in person.
Behold this irrepressible chap, who 'featured' on NBC News last night. In oh so many ways, he is as close to the living embodiment of a nation as you are likely to see.
Notice an eagerness to steal the limelight and remain in frame at all times; hark at the obsession with greedily eating up all the space around him, with no consideration or care for the toes he steps on.
The obsession with publicity and fame is there for all to see, as is scant regard for his own safety or that of others - because he is free to do what he damn well pleases - even at the expense of personal injury.
The fall from grace is as humiliating as it is ridiculous, and yet he just springs straight back up as if nothing ever happened. He is still smiling the same gormless smile, and it is hard not to admire his chutzpah.
He is half-buffoon and half-fearless marauder. A man-child who just can't stand still - for good or for bad. Alas, it's not until rock bottom that he realises that he probably went too far.
But it's never too late to get back up, the big daft wanker...
