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Published 15:25 27 May 2018 BST
Updated 15:35 27 May 2018 BST
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Is there a sadder sight? Is there a sadder, more human sight than this, the weary policeman who has seen it a thousand times, analysing the sheer girth of this young, stupid, beautiful man wedged into the seat like a hand in a Pringles can?
Look at him, this wonderful fool, with his hat on backwards and shoulder pads on his coat, for some reason, just gazing off into the distance, as though this was completely normal, while an actual officer of the law has to concoct a way of getting his body free so he doesn't stay there, trapped forever, and die of starvation, on a child's swing-set?
The 20-year-old, of course he was 20, had been sat there for three hours before Ipswich police were called to Landseer Park at 07:50 in the morning.
Imagine that, jumping into the swing at around 5am, still drunk, then getting stuck and having to sit there in the dark, slowly sobering up, wondering how exactly your life had all built up to this moment.
The police officer, unsurprisingly, couldn't free the man alone, and the fire service had to be called to come and take apart the seat itself. They had to deconstruct the apparatus, that's how badly he was stuck. This wasn't a quick lube him up with butter and watch him slide out like a deflating party balloon job.
And then, just like that, it was all over, the ordeal finished. "Thank you, Mr.Fireman, for spending your morning unleashing a slightly chunky bloke from a swing. Thank you so much. Can we have a picture like I am signing for a football team?"
"This is the fourth time this week. I swear to god if you do this again I will leave you here to die. I'm not joking."Lifestyle

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