17 English words that have a totally different meaning in Scotland

1.

In England, 'Diddy' means: small, tiny, or the rapper P Diddy/Puff Daddy/Sean Combs/whatever his name currently is. In Scotland, 'Diddy' means: a female breast. "The gobshite shouted 'Show us yer diddies', so I kicked him in the shins."  

2.

In England, 'Ken' means: a bloke's name, usually a bloke called (wait for it) Ken. In Scotland, 'Ken' means: know. "Ma, where's ma train set?" "I dinnae ken, and fir the last time, am no yer ma!"  

3.

In England, 'Jobby' means: a small job or thing that you have to do. In Scotland, 'Jobby' means: poo. "That jobby rangs, man. Ma eyes are stingin'."  

4.

In England, 'Barry' means: a bloke's name, usually a bloke called Barry. In Scotland, 'Barry' means: great, fantastic, brilliant. "That unicycle's pure barry, mate. Pure barry, that unicycle."  

5.

In England, 'Winch' means: apparatus that uses rope or a chain to lift or pull things. In Scotland, 'Winch' means: kissing with tongues. "Did ah see ye winchin' wi Kirsty McCullough by the bike sheds?"  

6.

In England, 'Coupon' means: a voucher. In Scotland, 'Coupon' means: a face. "I wis creasin' maself when a bird shat right on the prick's coupon."  

7.

In England, 'Warmer' means: hotter than the previous temperature. In Scotland, 'Warmer' means: a clueless idiot that no one likes. "Did ye see that total warmer on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Even a fuckin' elephant wid ken it's no bigger than the moon."  

8.

In England, 'Brief' means: something that doesn't last long, or a set of instructions for a piece of work. In Scotland, 'Brief' means: a car, particularly a really nice car. "Jimmy crashed his da's brief, he's no comin' oot the nicht."  

9.

In England, 'Chum' means: a friend or close companion. In Scotland, 'Chum' means: to accompany someone. "Aye, I'll chum along wi you if yer off oot."  

10.

In England, 'Hee haw' means: the noise a donkey would make. In Scotland, 'Hee haw' means: nothing, bugger all, the absence of things. "There wis hee haw in ma bank account, so there'll be nae haggis this month, kids."  

11.

In England, 'Jessie' means: a girl's name, or the character from Toy Story. In England, 'Jessie' means: a wimp or a wuss. "Ach, away ya big jessie. It's only a wee knife that spider's carryin'."  

12.

In England, 'Messages' means: the things you get on your phone. In Scotland, 'Messages' means: shopping, or shopping bags. "I'm away fir ma messages, dinnae burn the place doon while am oot."  

13.

In England, 'Swatch' means: that brand of watch that everyone had in the '90s. In Scotland, 'Swatch' means: having a little look at something. "Gie us a swatch at yer Times Literary Supplement, pal."  

14.

In England, 'Poke' means: gently jabbing at someone with a finger. In Scotland, 'Poke' means: a portion of something. "I'll hae a poke o' chips please, boss. Wi extra chips."  

15.

In England, 'Greet' means: welcoming or saying hello to someone. In Scotland, 'Greet' means: to cry. "There's nae use greetin' oer spilt Irn Bru."  

16.

In England, 'Dinghy' means: a small boat. In Scotland, 'Dinghy' means: ignore. "I yelled 'Billy, yer Da sells Avon' fae across the street, but the prick dinghied me."  

17.

In England, 'Tube' means: the London Underground, or a pipe of some kind. In Scotland, 'Tube' means: a stupid moron. "Get aff ma feet, ya big tube."