My official application for The Queen's social media manager position
The British Monarchy are looking for a social media manager.
Essentially, they want someone to send out fire tweets on behalf of Her Majesty every now and then. I am confident that I have the necessary skills to secure this job and carry it out successfully. It is a beautiful blessing that I am applying for this job that just so happens to offer £50,000 as the starting salary. I will spend my earnings wisely.
Please consider this my official application for the position. Thank you.
What makes you a suitable candidate for the role?
I was born to do this. I wake up in the morning feeling like royalty. I eat breakfast feeling like royalty. I check my emails feeling like royalty. I shower feeling like royalty (I use Royal Jelly). My entire day revolves around looking and feeling like royalty. You need me.
What skills can you bring to the job?
I can write fire Tweets on behalf of Her Maj. I've drafted some samples:
What are your strengths?
I'm really good at picking a nice profile picture. I think Queen Elizabeth should seem cool and down with the kids if she wants to make a big impact on Twitter.
Based on extensive research conducted across the world's most popular Twitter accounts, I believe she needs to take a photograph with One Direction and use it as her profile picture. I have roughly edited one but I would strongly recommend getting an authentic picture taken to deter the trolls from pointing out the scaling issues.
What are your weaknesses?
I can't guarantee that I won't use my position as social media manager to push my agenda of reducing the price of Freddos. I have no issue whatsoever in committing identity theft and tweeting on behalf of The Queen. It is something that I care deeply about and I will make it my business to convince Her Majesty to chop heads off, if absolutely necessary.
Why should we hire you?
They say you should dress for the job you want, so I will be dressing as The Queen every day as her social media manager. I want and need to become The Queen of England, for personal reasons.
Truthfully, it's not the fame or glory of being The Queen that entices me. It's the chance that someday, my face will be on a stamp. I've always wanted to travel but sadly cannot afford to reach the distances that I want to cover.
The easiest way I can facilitate my dreams is by becoming The Queen's social media manager, luring Prince Harry into my heart and through some very tragic and unlikely circumstances, securing my position as his wife and eventually, The Queen. Then, my face will be immortalised on a stamp and I will travel the globe millions of times over.
I look forward to hearing from you.