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16th Jan 2019

London Underground passengers made to stand so a cake could have a seat

London Underground passengers were made to stand on the tube this week by one selfish person who thought his victoria sponge merited a seat

Reuben Pinder

Cakes on a train

There are unspoken rules on the underground. Rules such as: stand on the right of the escalator, walk on the left; let people off the carriage before you get on; take your rucksacks off to allow maximum space; and give up your seat for those who need it more than you do.

We might be grumpy bastards, but for the most part, we all abide by these rules. We’re all in it together, our hellish commutes require cooperation, otherwise there would be chaos.

There will be the occasional person, though, who does not care for these rules. They are purely out for themselves, without a care in the world for the comfort of others on their travels. It is quite frankly disgraceful.

On that note, passengers on a London tube train the other day were made to stand, so that another passenger’s Victoria sponge cake could have its own seat. A CAKE.

I don’t know what level of reality I’m meant to be operating on, to be honest.

What sort of savage puts a cake on a seat, preventing fellow travellers from sitting down instead of just… carrying the cake? Or even sitting down with the cake carefully balanced on their lap? It is truly baffling.

Perhaps the most London thing of all, though, was how nobody said a word, and just acted as if nothing was wrong. That’s centuries of emotional repression for you.

Inevitably, someone has already made a Twitter account for the cake, putting across the baked good’s point of view. Which would be alright, if a cake had legs and were a sentient being. Alas, it’s not. It’s made of flour, eggs, sugar and butter. Still, we should expect this sort of nonsense given that moth that landed on Cristiano Ronaldo’s face also got its own Twitter account.

Thanks for your time.