Is 'Sweep the special chimney' the world's greatest euphemism? An investigation 11 months ago

Is 'Sweep the special chimney' the world's greatest euphemism? An investigation

Wednesday, 29th August 2018. The day the world changed forever

Today, a tweet from The Times brought a questionable phrase back into public discourse.

Despite it being the most hysterical concept in existence, is 'sweeping the special chimney' the best we can do?

The format of this investigation is simple, I am going to try to better the phrase by taking a verb + adverb + noun in a bid to create the greatest euphemism the world has ever seen.

If it cannot be done, 'Sweep the special chimney' will henceforth be crowned as the only phrase that we can use in relation to sex, going forward.

Tip: Many of the following euphemisms work best when you add "...if you know what I mean?" to the end of them, followed by a wink to no one in particular.



1. Sautée the starchy necklace

2. Tickle the beefy sangria

3. Scrape the lukewarm toaster

4. Latch the inverted trifle

5. Careen the wayward marquee

6. Ferment the luscious barn owl

7. Knead the fizzing turtle


8. Diagnose the swollen chinstrap

9. Marinade the earthy gospel

10. Stir the glistening zygote

11. Pickle the angry clergywoman

12. Sashay the eroding bain-marie

13. Caramelise the judgemental tricolour

14. Alienate the suspicious whisper

15. Induce the wandering cannoli


16. Pulverise the muted tuxedo

17. Defrost the leather flip flop

18. Antiquate the jittery facsimile

19. Gesticulate the partitioned funeral

20. Recharge the excitable salmon

21. Alphabetise the baker's dozen

22. Loosen the preserved peaches

23. Shimmy the moistened turnips


24. Peruse the gluten free section

25. Negate the seasoned fire escape

26. Steam the damp Nuns

27. Disinfect the boisterous Fitbit

28. Hatch the greasy tulip

29. Wash the insensitive anchovy

30. Massage the 500g jar of wholegrain mustard

31. Dissect the luggage restrictions


32. Chastise the wandering scallop

33. Invigorate the meaty hatchback

34. Govern the glistening patriarchy

35. Diffuse the fragrant rucksack

36. Oscillate the superfluous yardstick

37. Transmit the bulbous turd

38. Sanctify the illuminated brogues

39. Fondle the medicated rodents


40. Exacerbate the harmonious teepee

 

Conclusion:

Indeed, it has been proven beyond reasonable doubt, 'Sweep the special chimney' is the world's greatest euphemism.

 

 


Lead image via Facebook