Essential highlights from The Queen’s 92nd Birthday Party

Her Majesty visibly would've preferred a quiet night and a slice of cake at home.

Did you see it? Did you see the greatest piece of televisual history to ever take place? DID YOU SEE IT? Not to worry, neither did most people because the weather was banging and frankly, The Queen's birthday is no Homeland. Basically, someone at the BBC thought it would be a good idea for The Queen to celebrate her 92nd birthday with some of her extended family, Shaggy, Sting, Jamie Cullum, Zoe Ball and a broad selection of obscure celebrities. It was by no means tailored to Her Majesty's interests, which made for some delightfully uncomfortable viewing. Here's everything important you missed.

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For some reason, Shaggy and Sting held their fists upon their breasts as they sang Happy Birthday to The Queen   Zoe Ball reminded the audience that it was the Queen's 92nd birthday and was met with a stern look   Her Majesty didn't clap for Shawn Mendes, presumably because she's more of a Harry Styles fan   Shaggy wore a literal tablecloth for his debut performance in front of the Queen of England   It took THREE women to produce these corgi cake toppers   Camilla daintily tasted some cake, then asked to take a bit home with her so that she could go to town on it   A woman broke her hand making the Queen's birthday cake because that is exactly what you're expected to do for your country   Jamie Cullum kicked over his piano seat in excitement, briefly forgetting that he was playing a 92nd birthday party   Theresa May was there, looking like she'd much rather be running through a field of wheat   The Queen said something amusing to Prince William after Alfie Boe's performance, probably "Alfie should've called one of his kids Harry"   Craig David performed at the Queen's 92nd birthday. Craig. David.   Shaggy hyped up the poshest crowd alive for Sting's performance of 'Every Breath You Take'   They held X Factor auditions at the end because the stage was double booked   Her Majesty then appeared to decide who would get through to bootcamp    Prince Charles looked dead into the camera like Jim from The Office   He then called The Queen 'Mummy' and Her Majesty was not amused   Finally, Prince Charles added a third 'hip' into the birthday classic 'hip hip hooray' because his family is ludicrously out of touch with the general public   Her 92nd birthday was surely one that the Queen will never forget! Happy B-day, your Maj x    

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All images via BBC