In defence of Balenciaga's 7-layer jacket that costs £7,000
Why not spend £1,000 per layer to look *this* good?
Have you ever been really cold? Like truly, just very very cold?
Right, keep that sensation in mind.
Now, have you ever wanted to spend an absurd amount of money on something that doesn't really make any sense? Like a £10 mouthful of a brownie slice because it's got fancy icing on top and looks like it will fill every void that your godforsaken existence has encountered despite the harsh reality that it actually cannot do that?
Enter: the £7,000 Balenciaga 7-layered jacket, a layer for every £1,000 you spend.
Evidently, it exudes style, elegance, practicality and power.
Try to think of a situation where seven layers of warmth would be unsuitable. A sauna, sure. But that is the only one.
As adults, we are forever chasing that feeling of being blissfully tucked away in our mothers' wombs. The comfort, safety and warmth is unmatched in today's modern world. You can buy a dressing gown, hoodie, even a fleece-lined jacket, but you're never going to capture that exact sensation, no matter how hard you try.
Well, that dream has just become a reality and for the entirely reasonable price of 7,000 of the Queen's pounds.
Feel the warmth of your mother's metaphorical bosom once more as you carefully zip up seven fasteners as onlookers stand slack-jawed at your commitment to nostalgia.
Winter is coming, and so is your connection to being a foetus. Benjamin Button achieved it, so why can't you?
Simply part ways with a minuscule £7,000 and you too can look like a holidaymaker that's doing their best to avoid an overweight baggage fee at the airport.
Simply part ways with a minuscule £7,000 and you too can look like Joey from Friends when he wore Chandler's entire wardrobe to troll Mrs. Chanandler Bong.
Simply part ways with a minuscule £7,000 and you too can look like a savvy homeowner who's figured out a way to get all of the washing in off the line without having to use a basket.
Life is too short to deny yourself the sensation of having seven jackets upon your person. Remedy the situation by having seven literal jackets upon your person.
You work hard, now it's time to play hard. Lest you need reminding, winter is coming, as is your time to be noticed.
Have you ever seen another human being wearing seven jackets? That's the kind of thing you'd remember, I can assure you.
Be the memorable son of a bitch you were destined to be. Pay £7,000 for Balenciaga's 7-layer jacket today.
Haven't got £7,000? No problem. Simply steal from your friends, family and workplace until you can afford it.
Or are you a chicken? Are you a CHICKEN?
Buy the jacket, you piece of shit. You life is meaningless without it.
Seven layers, one outcome - inner peace.
Now get out of my sight, you capitalist pig. You make me sick.
Images via Matches Fashion