March was a strong month on Twitter.
A combination of shitty weather and the Oscars resulted in some exquisite content being uploaded for us all to enjoy at the competitive price of FREE.
Tweeters covered a broad range of topics this month, including NME finishing its print magazine service, holding in farts for a very long time, Zara’s new practical range of footwear and a proposed new name for contractions.
It’s impossible to see every single solid gold tweet each month, so allow me to get you up to speed.
Here’s 30 hilarious tweets you might have scrolled past in March.
1.
Not seen one member of Snow Patrol since all this started.
Lying twats— joe heenan (@joeheenan) March 1, 2018
2.
Uno if u blow out your mouth like ‘haaaaah’ u get warm breath but if u blow out like ‘whooooooh’ it comes out cool air
— ebbi (@eeeeeebeeeeeee) March 1, 2018
3.
The only time I get stressed about overpopulation is when I'm looking at a Where's Waldo.
— Tom Thakkar (@TomAThakkar) March 2, 2018
4.
https://twitter.com/SophistCretin/status/969280790784815104
5.
https://twitter.com/LDLDN/status/969645572532723712
6.
Watching Dunkirk the way Christopher Nolan intended pic.twitter.com/vYpROyla6D
— Christian. (@chriswashere321) March 3, 2018
7.
Timothee Chalamet is so young, he thinks the Boss Baby is just a normal boss
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 5, 2018
8.
https://twitter.com/watsontots/status/970689320968491008
9.
https://twitter.com/mutablejoe/status/972043907163938816
10.
It’s sad news about the NME.
I used to keep mine in a pile near my bed, just in front of my US sitcom DVDS. I’d keep my Friends close, and my NMEs closer.— Neil (@_Enanem_) March 7, 2018
11.
Happy bidet to the dude who invented the ass washer
— The Dad (@thedad) March 10, 2018
12.
just held a fart in for so long that it forced its way out the crease in the back of my knee
— Joe Wilkinson (@gillinghamjoe) March 15, 2018
13.
UNO CEO: We need to double our profits.
NEW GUY: Say no more fam- pic.twitter.com/UdvAVHpqUW
— Jesse McLaren (@McJesse) March 16, 2018
14.
Opossums are just Irish possums.
— JasonLastname (@JasonLastname) March 18, 2018
15.
if you only have one fleece that’s called a flooce don’t @ me
— kim (@KimmyMonte) March 16, 2018
16.
Commuter: *accidentally pushes past me* Sorry
My brain: yeah u fuckin will be bitch u wait til I shove u down that escalator next time
Me: it's fine honestly x
— Sophie Thompson (@sophxthompson) March 21, 2018
17.
My cardiologist told me to limit my excitement, but sometimes you just have to throw caution to the wind pic.twitter.com/VjuAVojwKZ
— Shane (@Shanehasabeard) March 23, 2018
18.
https://twitter.com/mrjohndarby/status/975363235460386817
19.
https://twitter.com/Diversion50/status/975093087759470592
20.
https://twitter.com/samga/status/976802622303649792
21.
When you find a great deal on a mini break to Barcelona but you’ve already used up all your holidays. pic.twitter.com/tv6Ht3BHM4
— Wayne Farry (@waynefarry) March 22, 2018
22.
Me: I can't believe she dumped me
Guillermo del Toro: Well *winks* there's plenty more fish in the sea
Me: Dude, no, we've talked about this
— Jon (@ArfMeasures) March 20, 2018
23.
https://twitter.com/adamhess1/status/976490644544860160
24.
his name is Ryan, okay?! I’m bad at keeping seacrests.
— Pete Holmes (@peteholmes) March 25, 2018
25.
Fair play. Zara have designed trainers especially for taking the bins out pic.twitter.com/ldoHgtDtLv
— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) March 26, 2018
26.
https://twitter.com/RagingInfection/status/977288379464409088
27.
"There Will Be Blood" is my favorite movie that answers the question, "Will blood be there?"
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) March 26, 2018
28.
https://twitter.com/Flaminhaystack/status/977899605349339137
29.
[presenting my dissertation] Tom has been chasing Jerry for years, but all he gets if he catches him is a light snack. The time investment isn't worth the reward. Tom is therefore a victim of the sunk cost fallacy. Next slide please,
— Borscht the T is silent (@InternetHippo) March 27, 2018
30.
DETECTIVE: Are you the new chalk outline guy?
ME: Yes I am
DETECTIVE: Stick to the bodies, no more thought bubbles with spaghetti inside them
ME: Eve-
DETECTIVE: Yes, even if they were thinking about spaghetti— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) March 26, 2018
