20 of the funniest tweets you might have missed in September
*Looks at Green Day intently*
Folks, it's been another strong month over on Twitter dot com with users outdoing themselves by producing some of the funniest tweets the world has ever seen.
We're now entering a stage in Twitter's prowess where its funniest users are going to take over. They'll start by taking our jobs, then our blood platelets, then our dogs and finally our vinyl collections. There's nothing that we can do. They are unstoppable. All we can do is watch.
Topics discussed on Twitter this month included the tragic passing of Jeremy Renner's app, the flexibility of Quentin Tarantino's name, the previously unknown savagery committed by apples unto their friends, cosmetic surgery and humble brags from Lizzo fans, among others.
Here's 20 of the funniest tweets you might have missed this month, you heathen.
I regret to inform you that my personality is “when the teacher called roll and my friend wasn’t there, I didn’t allow a silence after her name, I said SHE’S SICK a little too quickly then looked around to see if anyone is maybe visibly impressed that I know this”
— Nicole Silverberg (@nsilverberg) September 3, 2019
❤️My dad came out of the coma he’s been in since his motorcycle accident 2 weeks ago.
💔Don’t know how to tell him the Jeremy Renner app is gone.
— The Blob (1988) Delaney (@robdelaney) September 8, 2019
Who called it dry humping and not graze anatomy
— Kyle 🌱 (@KylePlantEmoji) September 9, 2019
I love it when you call me pic.twitter.com/uoImpNTOJE
— Dan Egg (@dan_egg) September 8, 2019
— ✍️ (@miccaeli) September 27, 2019
Girls talking in the bathroom after one of them threw a drink in her ex boyfriends face https://t.co/wGr8HBHYTi
— Mat (@matchu_chutrain) September 18, 2019
Finally they’re making porn for my tastes. pic.twitter.com/NIKRrfT97y
— Rhys James (@rhysjamesy) September 18, 2019
did my mum text me this headline pic.twitter.com/n2jQkGL8LH
— ǝıʇɐʞ (@supermathskid) September 22, 2019
look at this heartless cunt of an Apple skateboarding on his dead friend pic.twitter.com/6zgvwxqy3R
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) September 20, 2019
what do flight attendants laugh about so much in their little section at the front of the plane, tell us your secret jokes you flying bastards
— k e i t h 🐤🥔 (@KeetPotato) September 23, 2019
why’d they name that movie ‘rugrats in paris’ when they could have called it ‘non je ne rugrat rien’?
— 🕸drafty tombs🕸 (@CrappyFumes) September 26, 2019
For sale. Baby. Won't wear his nice new shoes.
— mr skeleton bones (@HelloCullen) September 29, 2019
Thinking about how the Dutch police arrested a bird for taking part in a robbery, put it in a jail cell with bread and water & when the media reported on it they put a little black bar over the face to protect its identity pic.twitter.com/2ly0zsoAw6
— Emma (@CampbellxEmma) September 29, 2019
you know what beach boys yeah it would be fucking nice
— ★ Dumb Blondes Club ★ (@peaceandbruv) September 8, 2019
oh you had a boob job? what were the hours?
— john (@mrjohndarby) September 11, 2019