Mums <3
Spade a spade, mums haven’t quite mastered the art of texting.
They try their best but sending a text will never be native to them. They lack the know-how that we were all somehow born with, which enables us to send quick and concise messages, whilst also being able to differentiate the necessity between a call or SMS, as well as having an in-depth knowledge of which emoji best suits any given situation.
There are a few typical areas that Mums tend to cover with their texts, which I’ll now demonstrate below.
1. Weather Update
Only Mums can turn an innocent weather update into a morbid affair that could have easily been directed by M. Night Shyamalan.
2. Postal Confusion
That post was not opened by accident, Mum’s nose got the better of her. Also, worryingly, she’s never seen a portable phone charger before and now thinks you’re into some kinky stuff.
3. Household Affairs
She knows you were fast asleep when she left the house 15 minutes ago, but that doesn’t mean she won’t blame you for the unpredictability of British weather once she gets home.
4. Dinner
Every text from Mum is an opportunity to get a dig in. She didn’t need to let you know what’s for dinner, she just wanted to remind you of your shortcomings as a person.
5. Dad
For some strange reason, Mum likes to inform you of Dad’s every movement. She also wants to make sure the house will be peaceful when you get home tonight, so don’t provoke him.
6. Celebrity Deaths
Roughly 5 hours after it’s been on every news outlet the world over, Mum lets you know the breaking news. She also gives you a quick summary of the deceased’s career and most notable work.
7. Holiday Smugness
Mum texts you more when she’s abroad than when she’s at home and that’s purely to gloat about how wonderful a time she’s having. She’ll try to make the destination seem more exotic by referring to the people as ‘locals’.
8. Hints
Subtlety isn’t exactly Mum’s strong point and, in fairness, she knows you need a little bit of encouragement in the gifting department. Ultimately, she’s going to buy the desired present for herself and hand it to you to give back to her.
9. Old Faces
Remembering your heritage is important to Mum. She’s still immersed in the life you’ve grown out of since childhood and is by no means beyond landing you in it at every available opportunity.
10. Your Welfare
Even though she won’t properly fall asleep until you’re home, Mum likes to pretend that you’ll wake her up when you stumble in the door at 4am. Never one to admit her protective nature, she’ll blame it all on Dad.
11. Current Affairs
An educated woman, Mum has an interest in all things current affairs. After quickly consulting with her friends to determine the correct opinion to have on something, she will treat you to her views, along with a quick dig at your shortcomings as a member of the family.
12. Local Death Notices
Mum sees herself as a bit of a town crier when it comes to news in the neighbourhood, regardless of your interest. She’ll pass on the relevant information but also try to cram in some irrelevant details that can often come across as a bit tasteless. Classic Mum!
