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Published 16:55 16 Aug 2017 BST
Why single out Prawn Cocktail? Because it's the most precariously positioned. If we lose Smokey Bacon and gain Bacon & Cheddar, would we really notice? It'll still taste like synthetic offal, just with an added hint of feet. And no one in their right mind is going to cast their ballot for Lime & Black Pepper; we'd sooner see Lord Buckethead flavour crisps in the newsagents.
But in Paprika, Prawn Cocktail could find a challenger. Paprika is by far the strongest of the contenders; anyone with a working knowledge of the Sainsbury's meal deal will know that Walkers Max Paprika is a go-to lunchtime snack. It's a beautiful crisp, but in beauty lies seduction, and in seduction lies vulnerability.
Prawn Cocktail crisps, though a uniquely British item, are not universally loved. Salt & Vinegar, Cheese & Onion and Ready Salted will forever occupy the Holy Trinity of Crispdom, but Prawn Cocktail is a misfit crisp.
That's part of the reason we love them. It's the same reason why Nickleback fans love Nickleback, why Millwall fans love Millwall: Prawn Cocktail is ours, and we don't care if you hate it.
That, and it's fucking delicious.
https://twitter.com/Josh_Coyle_12/status/896832672911241221
All my Prawn Cocktail people, we can't let Walkers risk our beloved crisp. Paprika crisps are good, but they're good in the same way that Foo Fighters are good: on a level that basically anyone can appreciate and understand. Prawn Cocktail crisps are more like Prince: well-loved and unquestionably mainstream, but just a little too 'out there' to be universally palatable.
If Paprika wins and Prawn Cocktail disappears from the supermarket shelves, it will be a travesty. A day of national mourning will be called. As Joni Mitchell said in her hit song Big Yellow Taxi, "Don't get rid of Prawn Cocktail crisps, you mugs."Brits are putting mint sauce on their fry ups, curries and even on ice cream
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