Day 18.
Finally, almost three weeks in, it all kicked off in the jungle. If you interpret the term ‘kicked off’ loosely.
There was a hint of a very brief argument between Dennis and Iain and the nation was finally given the television it has been craving for the past 18 days – DRAMA!
Things were put to bed pretty quickly after Dennis and Iain’s lukewarm words were exchanged, which unfortunately resulted in everything going back to perfect harmony and boredom shortly after.
Here’s five extremely important things we learned from last night’s I’m A Celeb.
1. Hell hath no fury like a hungry little Dennis Wise
It was time for the campmates to decide who would be doing the daily Bushtucker trial and the most dramatic exchange of the series broke out. Iain said that he fancied doing the trial, but was overpowered by Jamie who also wanted to do it. Rather than allowing a dictatorship to thrive, Stanley suggested that the camp have a rational discussion about who best suited the job.
At this point, little Dennis Wise launched into some heated words with Iain about how he had very little confidence in Iain’s ability to secure the maximum amount of meals for camp, given his previous track record. We finally got to see little Dennis Wise have a hint of an argument and it was bloody good television. Although small in stature, he’s got a large amount of rage buried deep down concerning food. Also, tbh, let Iain do the damn trial if he wants to. It’s a game.
2. Australian crocodiles are huge fans of Hollyoaks
After essentially bullying his way into doing the Bushtucker trial with the help of Dennis, Jamie arrived down to greet Ant and Dec. Within moments, he was immersed in a sandy room with a starstruck crocodile. From the moment Jamie went through that rotating door, the croc only had eyes for him. He was hypnotised by his Hollyoaks charm, which is a very understandable position to find yourself in.
Hollyoaks is actually quite popular in Australia, particularly among the reptile community. It’s the playful mix of humour and drama that appeals to these scaly folk, with villains such as Warren Fox igniting a keen interest in them. That crocodile couldn’t believe his good fortune when he discovered that he was essentially locked in a Seven Minutes In Heaven type situation with the bad boy of Hollyoaks. What a day!
3. They’ve got cigarettes in the jungle, so it can’t be that bad
As we all know, smoking is incredibly cool. Add a leather jacket and a pair of sunglasses to the mix and you are in danger of having to be put down immediately simply for being too trendy. Anyway, on last night’s I’m A Celeb, we saw Fiz and Jamie failing at hiding themselves while they were having a smoke behind the bushes. Since when do the celebrities get to have a smoke in the jungle and also where are they getting the supplies from?
I hate to bust this case wide open, but it appears as though we’re not being shown the full picture on the show. They’re smoking behind our backs, are they vaping too? Have they got a secret shed where they all go to breathe in that multicoloured oxygen stuff you get at festivals? Are their fedoras even genuine leather? Is Toff really that posh? My point is that we’re being lied to. Television is no longer the truthful safe haven we once thought it to be.
4. Fiz Brown is frightened of poetry
When Fiz and Toff reached the site of the Dingo Dollar Challenge, they were met with the usual laminated verse of cryptic poetry. Fiz, who has taken part in several Dingo Dollar Challenges previously, was shocked and visibly frightened at the sight of a rhyming verse. While it’s important to remember that she is an actress, these emotions are clearly very raw and genuine.
But what was it about the cryptic poetry that scared her? Was it the lack of commas at the end of each sentence? The unevenly burnt edges of the paper? The hideous font? All we can do is guess at this point, then ask Fiz when she leaves the jungle. Personally, I think she’s gasping at the appalling level of English that’s being used in the rhyme. It’s the poetic equivalent of starting a rap battle with “My name is Fiz and I’m here to say…”
5. Dennis doesn’t like seeing meat being prepared, so he washes his hands instead
The rest of the camp are starting to pick up on this bizarre little quirk that Dennis possesses, where he’ll find a reason to leave camp while his fellow celebrities are hacking the head off a dead animal in preparation for everyone to eat. He’ll scurry off to the bathroom where he can wash his hands and spare a thought for the deceased which they are sacrificing so they can survive.
Once the food is cooked, Dennis is more than happy to lob it into his gob, which is bizarre. He’s never going to be a good vegetarian if the act of eating the meat is entirely fine to him. Dennis Wise is a funny little man with some funny little habits. When the series ends, we must mourn this loss of televised entertainment together as a nation, then seek comfort in watching the repeats until we can tolerate no more.
Images via ITV
