Despite their lack of on-field success in the NFL era, the Cleveland Browns – who face the Minnesota Vikings at Twickenham this Sunday – are far from a boring outfit. Firstly, the Browns were named, quite simply and unusually, after a person.
Debate continues to rage over whether they were named after the then general manager Paul Brown, or after boxer Joe “Brown Bomber” Louis, but most agree it’s down to those two.
Secondly, the Browns are the only NFL franchise without a helmet logo. As such their logo-free helmet has become their de-facto logo.
https://twitter.com/SportsJOE_UK/status/922157170787012608
Most importantly however, for this writer anyway, they HAVE A DOG MASCOT!
His name is Swagger, he is a bullmastiff and in 2014 he was chosen as the side’s ambassador, leading them out onto the field during all home games.
Unfortunately, Swagger is a bit tied up currently and hasn’t been able to make the trip to London for Sunday’s game vs the Minnesota Vikings, but fortunately his English cousin Otto will lead them out at Twickenham instead
Learning about Swagger prompted two questions in my mind. Firstly, why on earth don’t Premier League clubs have dog mascots. Secondly, and this is where it gets good, what dog mascots should each Premier League club have?
Now this isn’t a place for fancy science learning, so I have essentially chosen the dogs representing each club purely on whether I feel they suit that club’s image. Nothing more, nothing less.
Arsenal
Cute and hyperactive, but ultimately useless. This little pup gets nervous to the point of defecation when things get serious.
Bournemouth
Plays best next to the water. Has a bark much worse than its bite.
Brighton
Knows its job and does it well. Occasionally does something really cool with the ball.
Burnley
Looks fairly docile but will absolutely flatten you if you take your eye off it.
Chelsea
Obedient. Does what its told. Occasionally acts incredibly dumb but will tear you apart if needs be.
Crystal Palace
Uncoordinated. Can barely see or move.
Everton
No one really knows what it is.
Huddersfield
A bit wet behind the ears but proven itself so far. Also, it is literally a terrier so it’s a no-brainer.
Leicester City
Has had great success. Pretty happy to just laze around now. Not actually a dog.
Liverpool
Loved by some, hated by others. Laughed at by all. A total mess in all honesty.
Manchester City
This one is going to toy with you and eat you. Sorry.
Manchester United
Used to be a great dog. Showing promise recently but mostly just sits there doing nothing on big occasions.
Newcastle
Has seen things you couldn’t imagine. Bit bloated. Could be great if it had a decent owner.
Southampton
Used to do loads of cool stuff, was full of energy. Really boring now.
Stoke City
Thinks it’s tough. Really isn’t. Can’t even scare off intruders.
Swansea
Has the capacity to be really cool but mostly spends its time doing stupid stuff.
Spurs
Powerful, quick and potentially deadly. Prone to get distracted at the worst times and start sniffing its own behind.
Watford
Bit of a mongrel. Seems unremarkable but has some nice tricks.
West Bromwich Albion
Literally the most boring dog you could possibly imagine.
West Ham United
Just all over the place.
Do you agree with these choices? If not, please scream unintelligibly at us on social media.
Also, a reminder that we will be getting behind the Browns as they take on the Minnesota Vikings at Twickenham this Sunday. The action kicks off at 1.30pm and you can follow Sports JOE on Twitter for live commentary and build up.
