Wayne Rooney has let down his team-mates, his manager, his country and most of all his media

You've finally done it now, Wayne.

Through all those piss poor performances, all those wafted crossfield balls, all those scuffed shots and all those half-hearted tackles, through all of that there were people willing to support you. Many in the media cut you some slack through your three-month goal drought, maybe swayed by the lunch invite you extended early in the season. The England captain may be playing like a drain and incapable of getting into the Manchester United team, but on the other hand, he is the country's record goal-scorer and he didn't bat an eyelid when I went for a dessert wine with my cheeseboard. Many fans suffering through performances like the one Rooney vomited up against Watford this season may have wondered at the staunch defence of the Manchester United striker/number 10/holding midfielder put forward by many on Fleet Street. What did this macabre Wayne Rooney tribute act have to do before the calls for his head became of the screechy, deafening variety that the wind vanes at Wembley cannot ignore? Meaning they would take action and interfere with the work of interim England manager Gareth Southgate. This week we got our answer. Injured Wayne Rooney got shit-faced in the team hotel on his day off, crashed a wedding, tried to play the piano and posed for a few pictures. For all these heinous crimes he on Wednesday night apologised. Judging by the headlines above, this has not placated the fourth estate. Rooney is a disgrace who has pissed all over the FA's portentous 'Code of Conduct'.

"The position of England captaincy is a privileged position which carries with it the additional expectations and responsibility (both on and off the field)."

He is an animal. Clearly. Good opportunity to dredge up the fact he has in the past smoked cigarettes and had dalliances with grannies. Now he has spent a night drinking with some of his team-mates and members of the public. Two days after Remembrance Day no less - is this what our forefathers fought for etc etc? Remember when England lost to Iceland at Euro 2016? And do we all remember Chris Waddle's epic rant on BBC Radio Five Live? "They are all pampered, they are all headphones. They don't communicate," said the former winger, in the type of post-elimination exhortation that we have come to expect from Waddle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6Rnh11KJx0 Ray Hodgson quickly fell on his sword, meaning England's players avoided a lot of the blame for the shite performances at Euro 2016. But this idea that these millionaires were disconnected from each other and the public stuck. Google 'Raheem+Sterling+Flaunts' sometime for an idea of how sections of the media treat wealthy, talented young footballers who are not, in their opinion, worthy to wear the Three Lions. In their opinion. In their faux-Georgian ivory towers, watching their giant TVs and having their hair cut in their custom-built barbers, England's footballers are disconnected from the adoring fans who pay their hard-earned money to go watch them throw away a 2-0 lead against Spain. But then Rooney has a few looseners in the hotel bar and decides to crash a wedding. He mixes with the great unwashed, poses for selfies, murders a few tunes on the piano and generally has a laugh. This is what we want from our footballing heroes now, yes? He wasn't wearing headphones, he was connecting with his team-mates and the public, he was injured and letting off a little steam. Nope. The press have decided he should be stripped of the captaincy for his behaviour. Heaven knows no journalist, aware they had feck all to do the next day, has ever cut loose on a work trip. Wouldn't happen, of course not. We want our footballers to be more like us. Just not too like us. Confused as to what we want? Unfortunately we cannot express what it is we want you to do. Only what we definitely don't want you to do, and then, of course, it is too late. Makes for a healthy relationship. No wonder Wazza was gagging for a pint.