The 20 stages of English hype before every single major tournament 2 years ago

The 20 stages of English hype before every single major tournament

England are going to win the Euros. This time, it's definitely different.

The impressive 3-2 win over Germany in Berlin last weekend was a timely refuel of the country's hopes after several years of Roy Hodgson's sterling efforts to crush any modicum of excitement around the team.

Just when there seemed to be a suspicion of self-awareness and common sense about the team, a victory over the world champions saw England's humility dissipate quicker than Michael Johnson's career.

Then, within the space of days, the defeat to the Netherlands brought us all crashing back down to earth with an almighty thump.

Even if we rally ourselves in time for the summer, we know that Hodgson's men won't win. But that won't stop us from repeating the vicious circle that's been spiralling for over half a century now.

England teams can't escape hype. And here are the stages that gets rattled through on a biennial basis.

1. England have a bad tournament.

2A. England need an English manager - with passion.


2B. Or, England need a foreign manager - who has something to do with technical football.

3. But England don't have the technical quality.

4. So England need a grass roots investigation.


5. But they also need a scapegoat.

David-Beckhams-hair-mirror-dartboard-1998

6. Then it's time to focus on mentality.

7. And turn on the 'golden generation'.

8. So England need to look to the future.

Daily Mail

9. Before you now it, we realise the future is already sorted.


10. And an uncapped England player bolts from nowhere.

11. England walk through their group (consitisting of Switzerland, Slovenia, Estonia, Lithuania, and San Marino).

12. Then England win a big-time friendly.

The Sun

13. Something about the technical football that England now boast.


14. Not that anyone's getting carried away.

15. F**k it, England can win the whole thing.


16. But then England lose a friendly.

17. The hype around England has already embedded in though.

18. England have a bad tournament.

19. Something about technical football.


20A. England need an English manager.

20B. Or... England need a foreign manager.

Repeat, ad infinitum.