In one of the bravest discussions we’ve ever seen from a footballer, Rio Ferdinand has opened up in heartbreaking detail about the loss of his wife two years ago.
Ferdinand’s wife Rebecca died of breast cancer aged just 34 in May, 2015 and the former Manchester United and England defender has taken part in a BBC documentary in which he details his struggles.
Ferdinand has admitted that he started drinking more frequently in an attempt to cope with the loss of Rebecca, and also became far more understanding of people who commit suicide.
Speaking at a screening of the documentary, which airs on BBC One on Tuesday 28th March at 9pm, the former centre-half held nothing back as he discussed the darkest period of his life.
“I used to think about people who commit suicide or attempt to, how can you be so selfish?” Ferdinand said, with quotes appearing in the Telegraph.
“But now you know how they feel. And if I didn’t have that network of people or my kids who I use as an inspiration to be able to get up and think straight, then, yeah I can sympathise.”
Ferdinand has three kids with Rebecca – Lorenz, 10, Tate, eight, and Tia, five – and it was their well-being that he was most concerned about as he came to terms with the fact that he was now a single father.
“They are thinking ‘why haven’t I got a mummy?’ I haven’t got the answers for them.”
In what must be the most difficult experience for any person to go through, Ferdinand revealed that he began drinking more often in an attempt to deal with the tragedy.
He said: “At the time you think ‘I’m coping.’ You’re sitting there, the kids are in bed, you can’t sleep, but you don’t want to think about anything. I’d go to bed and then get up and come downstairs and start drinking brandy.”
The culture of football means that we seldom see players open up remotely as honestly as Ferdinand has, which he admits made him hesitate to discuss his feelings.
“I sit in my bedroom and cry but actually talking about feelings is different,” he said. “I am from a dressing room culture, I was closed off emotionally and I thought it was a weakness for a man to show emotions.”
Fair play to Ferdinand for speaking so candidly about an issue that hurts him so deeply.
Rio: Being Mum And Dad airs on Tuesday 28th March, 9pm on BBC One
