Growing up in France during the 1990s, Olivier Giroud was beset by one, terrible dread.
No, not the fear of a nuclear apocalypse brought on by his country's nuclear testing in the Pacific Ocean. No, not the fear that France would grind to a halt in the midst of one giant, general strike. No, not the fear Chris Waddle's mullet would develop the ability to think for itself and smother them all.
The burly French striker instead grew up with a mortal fear of Alf (Alien Life Form) - he of the tremendously 1980s sitcom, he who was famously deferred in Ireland because of Italia '90, he who was obsessed with eating the family cat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2B1QxOmbMZ0
In Sunday's programme for the North London Derby at the Emirates, the 30-year-old revealed that Alf was the thing he dreaded most as a child.
"My God, he was so ugly and I was so scared of him. My brothers used to say, 'Be careful, Alf is going to get you tonight!'
"They went too far with it."
https://twitter.com/tomwfootball/status/795204031773806592
Sounds like the Giroud brothers may have been on to something. Scared of an animatronic ant eater with the voice of a puppeteer from Connecticut, their younger sibling needed toughening up. How else was he going to develop the strength to wield that massive arse and elbows two yards from goal?
The France international should just thank his lucky stars he was never subjected to Dustin the Turkey.
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