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Published 18:05 12 Sept 2015 BST
Updated 18:19 12 Sept 2015 BST

"The magic of the FA Cup was bloodied on the day my penis was cut and then stitched shut on an unromantic afternoon in Bournemouth last year," he writes. Why? Just why?
"It was eye-watering. I tried to close down a winger to block his cross but felt a stinging in my privates. I thought, 'S**t — that doesn't feel right!' It was stinging like f**k.
"The gash looked pretty bad, right across the middle. There was plenty of blood. I needed four stitches and the lads were absolutely p*ssing themselves".
At least they could p*ss themselves. No pics please.
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