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10th Jul 2017

JOE’s Transfer Digest – Wayne Rooney confident he can recapture form of early tweets at Everton

Wayne Farry

Welcome to JOE’s Transfer Digest, where we collect every transfer rumour, squeeze it tight and give you the delicious juice at the end of the process.

Today we have some truly wonderful gossip, speculation and murmurings, so sit back and enjoy the ride.

Rooney believes he can return to form

Wayne Rooney returned to boyhood club Everton over the weekend after a stellar 13-year career at Manchester United.

While many have welcomed the deal, others have questioned the wisdom of offering large wages to a player whose best tweeting days are long behind him.

Speaking during an in-house interview however, Rooney expressed his belief that he can recapture the form of his early tweets and provide Everton fans with entertainment for years to come.

“I would be the first to admit that the quality of my tweets has reduced in recent years. I’ve sacrificed the quality for the sake of my commercial team and have lost something as a result,” said Rooney.

“But I know I can get back to my best if I work on it. After a little bit of practice, I’m confident I’ll be back tweeting mindless and hilarious rubbish before too long.”

On the matter of his football, Rooney was a little less optimistic however, insisting that he can “barely even get out of bed in the morning” these days.

United to target whoever Chelsea want

After hijacking the transfer of Romelu Lukaku to Chelsea and reportedly having a bid accepted for Monaco midfielder Tiemoue Bakayoko, Manchester United confirmed today that they are keen to target literally every player that Chelsea want this summer.

Jose Mourinho admitted that while squad improvement is the principle aim of this transfer window, angering Chelsea boss Antonio Conte to the point that he has an aneurysm is not far behind.

“He got so angry when we bought Romelu. There were stories saying he was arguing with his bosses over it. If we can convince Teimoue to join he’ll get even more furious. The thought of him going red and shouting at everyone makes me want to sign Alex Sandro just out of spite,” said the Portuguese coach.

Lingard to fight for place in Pogba’s heart

Manchester United and England attacker Jesse Lingard has today responded to rumours that he may be deemed surplus to requirements by Paul Pogba by claiming that he will fight for his place in the Frenchman’s heart.

Speculation has been rife over Lingard’s future with Pogba after signing of the former Juventus man’s close friend Romelu Lukaku.

But Lingard has refused to admit defeat, and believes he has what it takes to reclaim the love of his dab partner.

“I have every confidence in myself and the love Paul and I share. This is football. Nothing is certain and there’s always competition. But I believe that if I knuckle down and show Paul what I’ve got he’ll be convinced,” said Lingard, adding that his first plan of action is to challenge the Belgian striker to a dab competition in training.