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22nd Jun 2017

JOE’s Transfer Digest – Jose just three Matic transfers away from one free Matic

Bargain hunter Jose is said to be keen to eventually redeem his free Matic

Wayne Farry

Welcome to JOE’s Transfer Digest, a place to come and rejoice at the bountiful rumours we have had bestowed upon us by the gods of capitalism.

We are just over a week away from the opening of the transfer window on July 1, though many teams have already got a significant portion of their business done.

Don’t forget to stamp it

First up we have transfer news from Old Trafford, where Joe Mourinho is said to be weighing up a bid for Chelsea midfielder Nemanja Matic.

Experts say that the likelihood of this move is high, not only due to Matic’s standing with Antonio Conte, but also because of Mourinho’s desire to to redeem a free Matic once he has bought the player three more times.

“It’s very simple,” said a source close to the Portuguese coach. “Matic is a quality player who can not only do a job in midfield is known well to the manager. Jose loves a deal, and he knows he only has to buy this guy a couple more times before he gets him for nothing. You’re basically making money when it gets to that point.”

Time to make amends

A little higher up the Premier League table, Tottenham Hotspur have pulled out of the race to sign Ross Barkley after manager Mauricio Pochettino decided that the squad has already met its quota of overpriced players who run around a lot without doing a whole pile.

Speaking today, the Argentine coach said that it was imperative his team focused on targets that will actually do something for more than 15 games each season.

“We want players who will play for the whole season, or at least 30 games,” said Pochettino. “But we respect and like Ross, and look forward to seeing him score five goals in the first two months of next season before going absent until April.”

James remains stumped

Real Madrid’s forgotten man James Rodriguez could be set to stay at the Bernabeu – amid reported interest from Chelsea and Manchester United – after the giant cricket he befriended at the 2014 World Cup deserted him.

While officials at the Spanish club had been confident they could find a side willing to meet their valuation of James, the recent and unexpected departure of his closest confidante is said to have cast doubts over any move.

“James has grown very close to that cricket, and he rarely makes a decision without consulting it first. The two had been set for talks over his future but his sudden disappearance casts the entire transfer into doubt,” said a close friend of Rodriguez.

Reports in Spain claim the Colombian forward has contacted police over the missing cricket, with authorities’ main hypothesis being that he was either stepped on or eaten by a dog.

And finally…

Manchester United attacker and former Sunderland loan player Adnan Januzaj today expressed his confidence that he can finally fulfill his potential as a footballer providing he is granted the means to go back in time and be born as a different and more talented player.

“Things haven’t gone right for me recently,” said the Belgian. “But if I knuckle down, work hard and find a way of ripping a hole in the space-time continuum then I see no reason I can’t eventually succeed.”