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29th Sep 2020

The definitive ranking of Gary Lineker’s best and worst dad jokes

Wayne Farry

gary lineker tweets

What do you know Gary Lineker best for?

Depends on what age you are, but you may know Lineker as an England, Barcelona and Tottenham striker, as the longtime Match of the Day host or, for a growing number of people, as Twitter dad jokes champion.

Lineker is an active user of the social media platform, discussing both football and wider social issues, much to the chagrin of a very particular demographic of people with a pink hue to their skin tone.

But his bread and butter is the in-game update/dad joke hybrid, so we decided to rank the best (or worst, really it’s quite interchangeable) dad jokes he’s ever sent out into the world.

1. Son

Jesus Christ, Gary. This doesn’t make sense. If anything, Gary, you yourself saying ‘Son’ would lead people to believe that it was your son. No one would think that you mean Mourinho’s son. But here we are.

2. ‘andy in the air

About as bad as a dad joke can get really. It’s not even a joke. It’s simply drawing attention to the fact that ‘Andy’ sounds a little bit like ‘handy’. Very little effort, and you can almost picture Lineker sitting at home with a bag of crisps just pissing himself at how bad it is.

3. Fellbeck

Because his name is Wellbeck and he fell back. That’s the joke.

4. Mask Fabregas

Again, don’t want to parrot my previous point but this is not actually a joke. It is merely replacing Cesc Fabregas’ first name with the word ‘mask’ because he was wearing a mask.

5. Alf Ramsay

Described by Piers Morgan in the replies as “Worst joke in history”. We’re not inclined to regularly agree with Piers Morgan on anything, but he’s got a point.

6. Kompany

Alright, alright, alright. You see, his name is Kompany, okay? Nice. And well, it sounds the same as the word ‘company’ despite them being spelled differently. Yeah? Cool.

7. Cottage doors

This sits on the nexus of the classic dad joke and actually being a good joke. Hence it’s place near the centre of this list.

8. Pacha

This is okay, all things considered. Decent bit of wordplay. Would’ve been much funnier with a mention of the King of Ibiza, Gary’s own brother Wayne. Still alright, if still a bit eye roll-inducing.

9. Keeper

Actually pretty funny this one, to be honest. Credit where credit is due.

10. JK Rowing

This is actually decent wordplay, I think? I can’t even actually tell anymore.

11. Romeu

No two ways about it: this is a very good tweet. Possibly Lineker’s best ever.

So there you have it. A list of jokes ranging from very bad to actually kinda good. Fear not, though, because as long Gary Lineker is an active Twitter user there’ll be plenty more where they came from.