The definitive ranking of Gary Lineker's best and worst dad jokes
What do you know Gary Lineker best for?
Depends on what age you are, but you may know Lineker as an England, Barcelona and Tottenham striker, as the longtime Match of the Day host or, for a growing number of people, as Twitter dad jokes champion.
Lineker is an active user of the social media platform, discussing both football and wider social issues, much to the chagrin of a very particular demographic of people with a pink hue to their skin tone.
But his bread and butter is the in-game update/dad joke hybrid, so we decided to rank the best (or worst, really it's quite interchangeable) dad jokes he's ever sent out into the world.
Jesus Christ, Gary. This doesn't make sense. If anything, Gary, you yourself saying 'Son' would lead people to believe that it was your son. No one would think that you mean Mourinho's son. But here we are.
Son scores the first goal of Mourinho’s @SpursOfficial reign. Not Mourinho’s son, but Son.
— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) November 23, 2019
2. 'andy in the air
About as bad as a dad joke can get really. It's not even a joke. It's simply drawing attention to the fact that 'Andy' sounds a little bit like 'handy'. Very little effort, and you can almost picture Lineker sitting at home with a bag of crisps just pissing himself at how bad it is.
Great header from Robertson. Didn’t realise he was so ‘andy in the air.
— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) July 11, 2020
Because his name is Wellbeck and he fell back. That's the joke.
Danny Fellbeck. Blatant dive.
— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) March 15, 2018
4. Mask Fabregas
Again, don't want to parrot my previous point but this is not actually a joke. It is merely replacing Cesc Fabregas' first name with the word 'mask' because he was wearing a mask.
Huge goal from Mask Fabregas!
— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) April 12, 2015
5. Alf Ramsay
Described by Piers Morgan in the replies as "Worst joke in history". We're not inclined to regularly agree with Piers Morgan on anything, but he's got a point.
Looked like Sidwell was about to get a 2nd yellow card, instead Phil Dowd booked Ramsey for an earlier foul. So early it was Sir Alf Ramsey
— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) November 10, 2012
Alright, alright, alright. You see, his name is Kompany, okay? Nice. And well, it sounds the same as the word 'company' despite them being spelled differently. Yeah? Cool.
Only one Man of the Match in this game. Kompany is without company.
— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) May 6, 2019
7. Cottage doors
This sits on the nexus of the classic dad joke and actually being a good joke. Hence it's place near the centre of this list.
Arsenal win the opening Premier League game of the season behind cottage doors.
— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) September 12, 2020
This is okay, all things considered. Decent bit of wordplay. Would've been much funnier with a mention of the King of Ibiza, Gary's own brother Wayne. Still alright, if still a bit eye roll-inducing.
Ibiza are beating @FCBarcelona at halftime. Think Setién’s team-talk last night may have been misunderstood. “I said show me passion, not Pacha.”
— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) January 22, 2020
Actually pretty funny this one, to be honest. Credit where credit is due.
Is he a keeper? https://t.co/vZm7PFmsMg
— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) July 7, 2018
10. JK Rowing
This is actually decent wordplay, I think? I can't even actually tell anymore.
Of course I'll ask Jurgen Klinsmann about Spurs job. Don't want to rile him though. Last thing we need is JK Rowing now Harry's gone.
— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) June 21, 2012
No two ways about it: this is a very good tweet. Possibly Lineker's best ever.
Romeu, Romeu, why no red for Romeu?
— Gary Lineker 💙 (@GaryLineker) July 13, 2020
So there you have it. A list of jokes ranging from very bad to actually kinda good. Fear not, though, because as long Gary Lineker is an active Twitter user there'll be plenty more where they came from.