Yeah, we thought Michael Essien had retired, too.
In actual fact, the Ghanaian's career is very much alive and kicking. Recently, he completed a switch to Indonesia's Persib Bandung (a football club) in a move that was almost certainly motivated by his desire to play football at a competitive level and not just make a decent wage.
The former Chelsea midfielder made his home debut for his new club this weekend against Bali United, the highlight of which being him getting massively pissed off at an opposition player for blasting a ball at him from close range.
Don't believe us? Here, perhaps this poor quality video recorded in someone's bedroom will convince you otherwise.
https://twitter.com/DavidAkondu/status/850738888196993024?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Ftheprideoflondon.com%2F2017%2F04%2F09%2Fmichael-essien-chelsea-persib-carlton-cole%2F
In a scene that looks like it's come straight from your primary school playground, we particularly enjoy the way the opponent realises he's gone too far and tries to run away like a child. We're half expecting a dinner lady to intervene and bollock the pair of them before making them stand on the wall until lunch break is over.
Catch up with this week's episode of 888Sport Football Friday Live
