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31st May 2018

Next season’s Premier League football has been revealed

BREAKING NEWS: It remains a sphere

Wayne Farry

Before you ask – yes, it’s still spherical

The Premier League has unveiled the match ball for the 2018/19 season and it sure is a football. The Merlin, created by Nike, promises “fewer panels” and most interestingly “more goals”.

That last promise seems unusual, especially as it suggests that the Merlin will move around a lot in the air, causing goalkeepers to flail around like fools and take to the media to decry witch craft and annoyance.

Crucially, the ball remains ball-shaped, or “round”. It is also roughly the size of most footballs, or a very large pea, and when touched will roll in a variety of directions, such as forward, back and sideways.

The new ball is expected to bounce like its predecessor, and it is widely assumed that it can be punctured, due to it being filled with air.

More importantly, the ball will be a ball, much like every ball ever used in the Premier League.