19 goalies you will definitely see down the Astro every week

Goalkeepers are a different breed.

Sure, you'll say they are either too lazy or too useless to play out-field but they will talk about a lonesome, devout application that they alone [and other goalies] have been born with. Each and every week, up and down the land, these men and women glove up and throw themselves at our feet, crosses and shots and do it with a manic glint in their eye. Here are 19 goalies you'll see at every Astro pitch.

1. The Loudmouth

Spends the whole game berating teammates, opponents, the ref and anyone else who happens to be strolling nearby. This is their box and they are going to dominate it.

2. The mind games expert

They know exactly what you're thinking, even before you thought you just thought it. Comes in extremely handy when the ref points to the spot.

3. The lad who hates getting in

Everyone has to have a go in goals but this guy spends his five-minute allocation moaning about it. Not to be confused with the wrecked lad who is always offering 'I'll hop in goal boys'. The reluctant one NEVER uses his hands and you curse him for it after each goal.

4. U.F.C fan*

Has been watching far too much Conor McGregor and Jon Jones. Get too close at a corner and you'll get a dig in the ribs or just plain choked out. *Helmet optional

5. Joe Hart wannabe

If he's a bit older [like me] it will be Peter Schmeichel. Comes out with the star-jump each time but, after a while, you know exactly what to do.

6. The show-off

Also known as 'The Shaper'. In their mind, they're playing at Wembley with all eyes, cameras and phones on them.

7. All talk, no action

The ultimate head-melter. Coaches the team from the safety of the box and spends so much time yapping that his teammates have long since switched off.

8. The one who slides out at your legs

Victory has a price. https://twitter.com/Taylor01Beth/status/645972502812995584

9. De Gea disciple

Has been watching the Spanish stopper for the past five years and attempts to mimic his every move. If David [pronounced 'Haa-veed'] pulls off a great save at the weekend, they'll try their damnedest to recreate it.

**10. Full-kit w*nkers**

Would kill for a game, even if they don't have a team or anyone interested. Astro goalie

11. The Mignolet

You know the type - a shot-stopper to beat the band but absolutely garbage under the high ball. 'Keepers... KEEEEEPPPPEERRRRSSSS!!'

12. Injured? You can get in goal so

We all have a mate that tries to pull out, citing a recent injury, but who was probably on the rip the night before. You're short on numbers so there can only be one solution... Goal.

13. Fly goalie

Pegs it out of goal at the first opportunity and leaves you to cover. They're simply too good to be wasted in nets.

14. The lad with the cotton trackie bottoms

Dimitri Kharine, Julian Speroni... that Hungarian chap. Look like they genuinely could not be bothered and, most of the time, they couldn't.

15. Fail to prepare, prepare to fail

This is the type of goalie that screams at himself before kick-off after doing shuttle-runs in the box. BE EPIC

16. The jammy one

You fancy your chances against them every time you get a one-on-one yet somehow, some bloody how, they thwart you at every turn. Arse, leg, face, ankle, water bottle on the goal-line, you just can't squeeze one by.

17. The one that brings their phone

Instragram, Snapchat, Gmail, Twitter, Facebook, WhatsApp, JOE... so little time, so little effort.

18. The one always fiddling with their gloves

https://twitter.com/maxjones98/status/622145806380990464

19. Cocky but crap

They've seen Bruce Grobbelaar and Joe Hart in action and think, 'Sound lads'. If you're going to be a dick, try back it up with some goalkeeping talent.