Couples who consider sleeping divorce might be happier – here’s why

Sleeping divorce might be an option

However, as time goes on and one discovers that one's partner’s slumber has nothing to do with the Sleeping Beauty’s rest, sleep hygiene is compromised.

When being awake next to them is still your long-term goal, separation might have to come from another place: this is when sleeping divorce seems an option.

A good night's sleep is essential. If your partner prevents you from it with their snores, kicks and by leaving you freezing because you can’t take back the part of the bed sheets that belong to you, you might find yourself being the grumpiest person on earth on the following work day. 

"Sleep deprivation promotes depression, anxiety, and difficulty concentrating, which can keep you from engaging well with your partner," explains  Dr. Stephanie Collier, a psychiatrist at Harvard-affiliated McLean Hospital.

At first sight, sleeping divorce might seem counterintuitive and even jeopardising for a relationship. Does this mean no more cuddling, no more night kisses and no more sex? Not necessarily.

It is possible to have both: sleeping like a baby without compromising your relationship. Sometimes, it can even lead to couples being happier and closer, according to Sharon Bober, associate professor of psychology at Harvard Medical School and founding director of the Sexual Health Program at Harvard-affiliated Dana-Farber Cancer Institute. 

What are the benefits of sleep divorce?

Firstly, there are fewer sleep interruptions. There’s no one anymore moving next to you and disturbing your imagination, especially if you're a light sleeper. By avoiding these, overall sleep quality improves.

You also get more personal space. Whether it is to move around the bed, hug all of the pillows, or spread yourself diagonally, having the bed all for yourself from time to time feels like freedom.

There are also fewer things to fight about when it comes to deciding which kind of pillows, mattress or bed linen to use.

Finally, sleeping divorce can help strengthen the relationship as a couple because it forces both parties to be more intentional by seeking casual encounters, asking for intimate moments throughout the day, or giving more spontaneous kisses.

Absence makes the heart grow stronger

Allowing yourself to miss your partner every now and then is an effective way to rekindle your desire to be with them and to realise that quality matters more than quantity.

Once sleeping divorce is on the table, there are a few tips on how to approach this option in the best possible way.

Firstly, vulnerability and honesty will be the key elements when driving the conversation. Being willing to discuss your bothers and needs with sensitivity will make the difference between reaching mutual consent and falling apart.

Is there a middle ground?

There’s always a half-way solution, such as reaching a mid term option before deciding for complete divorce. For instance, using earplugs, getting two bedsheets, or sleeping in different beds but still in the same room. Even intertwining between sleeping together and separately throughout the week.

Scheduling intimacy outside nighttime is crucial to keep alive those moments that you used to have before falling asleep. So looking for closeness during the day is essential to  reduce the feelings of distancing.

Finally, checking in regularly and doing trial runs to update each other, share your thoughts and see what’s working out and what needs to be readjusted.

Remember that the idea is to learn to be apart so that you can feel closer than ever.