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01st Aug 2017

18 ways your life changes when your girlfriend moves in

Hair. Hair everywhere.

Rich Cooper

1. Not a day goes by without unexpectedly finding one of these fuckers somewhere in the house.


Photo: @foreversheart

And yet they’re never there when she needs one.


2. Your place smells of nice things rather than the stale stench of eternal loneliness.


Photo: A.J.


3. You find out if you’re living with an inhuman monster by the way they squeeze toothpaste from the tube.


Photo: @bronwynrhiannon

Confirmed: inhuman monster.


4. The bed sheets get changed more than once a year now.


Photo: Andy Hay


5. Your plain white ASDA mugs and plates are replaced by china with colours and patterns and other fancy shit.

Untitled design (8)

Photo: Mug of Tea / @EmilylikesGravy


6. Instead of watching stuff on Netflix, you now just argue about what to watch on Netflix instead.


7. There’s actually food in the fridge rather than the usual Nothing with an extra serving of Fuck All.


Photo: matthew098


8. If stray hairs were a currency, you’d be a millionaire.


Photo: Tagichatn


9. Your new job title is Chief Spider Catcher and Ejector.


Photo: @astro_nah

Or it’s her new job title, depends who’s the bigger wuss.

10. Despite having never touched a spanner before, you suddenly know how to fix everything.


Or at least you think you do.

11. The only place you get any time to yourself is on the toilet, which is where you spend a fair amount of time.


Photo: @GHTJ40S


12. There are cushions e v e r y w h e r e.


Photo: @NotTopGearRH

13. The amount of junk food you eat will either dramatically increase or dramatically decrease.


Photo: @Kiracollison87

If we had to put money on it, we would say… increase. Who can say no to Two for Tuesdays anyway?

14. Wednesday night is Bake Off night. You now know that this is non-negotiable.


Photo: BBC

This is shit with which you do not fuck.

15. You now have to call. Whatever you’re doing, how late you’re going to be, whatever it is, you have to call.


You may end up learning this lesson the hard way, but you’ll learn it.

16. You will never have enough toilet paper. Never enough.


Photo: slgckgc

This is the face you make when you realise there’s none left, again.

17. Once your bathroom only contained a razor and a toothbrush, now it has a million different and equally mysterious bottles and contraptions.

Untitled design (6)

Photo: Chris McKenna / Imgur


18. Objects will now exist in your space because they’re cute, displacing other, more practical objects.


Photo: @groovyscoob

A tiny spoon: the spoon of a thousand uses.

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