The North-South Divide is alive and well.
Politicians and social commentators will have you believe that the north and the south have blended together into a homogenous whole, but we all know that there are still key differences that keep us mutually at odds.
It’s not a bad thing, but there are vital parts of our cultures that differ depending upon whether you’re a southern softie or a northern monkey. Below we explore some of the ways in which we’re divided by a common passport…
Strangers
The old stereotype that southerners aren’t as friendly as their northern counterparts is perhaps a little unfair. When you engage with the average southerner in a situation in which they expect to be engaged, they can be lovely. But there’s a difference between ‘friendly’ and ‘approachable’.
Up north they think nothing of sidling up to a complete stranger and striking up a chat. It’s friendly and nearly always welcomed. Everyone likes a natter and it’s a great way of wiling away a few spare minutes. Do it south of Watford and you’re in pepper spray territory.
Cuisine
There are very specific but noteworthy differences between north and south as far as food is concerned. We all know the one about northerners being dismayed at a distinct lack of a gravy option in southern chippies, but there’s more to it than that. For instance, try asking a southerner for a ‘barmcake’.
Another example is the definition of a ‘scallop’. In the south it would always refer to a delicately sweet mollusc. But up north a scallop is a tasty slice of potato deep-fried in batter and often scoffed in a margarine barmcake (roll). Less refined maybe, but arguably tastier.
The weather
The British in general are famous for their fondness for discussing the weather. This is not so much a countrywide obsession with meteorology, but rather a very convenient way of breaking the ice (but not with stranger in the south: see above).
That said, southerners are such drama queens when it comes to anything out of the ordinary. Snow, hail, winds or even heavy rain are greeted with serious contingency planning and mild panic. For northerners, it’s just a case of whether the heating needs to go on or not.
Prices
For weather in the south, read the price of things in the north. Tutting and sighing over the cost of stuff is something of a collective hobby in the top half of the country – and it only increases exponentially the further south they venture. In fact it’s the highlight of any trip to that there London.
But one instance in which it’s no laughing matter is the cost of a pint. Resigned tuts are replaced by a sharp intakes of breath, as a fiver gives you change of a shiny pound and precious little else. It’s not as though northerners are cheap or southerners particularly lavish, just noticeably different economies.
Fashion
Now far be it from us to generalise (despite that being the whole premise of this article), but southerners are somewhat more ‘liberal’ and ‘adventurous’ in their sartorial choices. It’s not like the north is bereft of mavericks and hipsters, but generally each city has its own cult fashions and styles.
In the south – and admittedly this is more a London thing – there’s a definite propensity to be a little more ‘out there’. Advocates would describe this as true freedom of expression and complete license to be yourself. Northern types would perhaps suggest its a load of show-off try-hards.
Comedy
Comedy can, of course, span any divide and there’s a healthy cross-pollination and appreciation of North-South humour wherever you’re from. That said, there are differences. The Office would be very different if it was filmed in Leeds, and The Royle Family couldn’t have been set in Essex.
On the surface, northern humour can seem broader than its more acerbic southern equivalent, but that is to sell it short. Comedy in the north often has a deep pathos running through it that blends mirth with melancholy. Conversely, southerners love their meta gags and absurdism.
Of course these are generalisations and of course it’s all a bit tongue in cheek, but there’s a lot to be said for the bit of variety. Both the north and the south and their constituent parts have a rich and unique culture, and for a small island, we’re certainly not lacking in character.
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