Spongbobbing, Greggsing and Phil Jonesing: The dating trends you need to know about in 2018

Dating in the twenty-first century is hard.

You don’t just meet someone and ask for their number any more. You have to navigate Tinder or Bumble, and then WhatsApp, or Snapchat, or maybe their Instagram. And with all this new technology comes a whole new set of behaviours and tactics being used by potential daters. We all know about ‘ghosting’ and ‘catfishing’. And you might have heard of newer trends like ‘zombie-ing’ and ‘submarine-ing’ (both of which are basically ex’s reappearing out of the blue to try and hook up). But then there’s also ‘cuffing’ (looking down a partner for the winter), and ‘breadcrumbing’ (dropping in every few months but never committing. Let alone ‘phubbing’, ‘firedooring’ or ‘roaching’. It’s a new year, and there’s plenty more fish jumping back into dating pool. But as you fire up Tinder or Bumble, be aware – 2018 looks set to bring us a host most insidious dating trends you might end up falling for. Our panel of fully-qualified dating experts and scientists have been analysing the data, and here  are the key dating trends to be wary of in the next twelve months. Pokemoning – This vile trend involves someone trying to basically collect as many partners as possible. You think it could be something special, but to them you’re just another notch on the bedpost. While douchebags like this are nothing new, this new breed of chancers can be identified by their tendency to wear red and white baseball caps, fingerless gloves and claims to “want to be the very best, like no-one ever was.”   Phil Jonesing – It get to that point in the relationship where you start sending each other photos (I won’t go into any more detail, but you know exactly what we mean). And you’re making a real effort with your shot. But their photos just look like them lying on the floor, gurning madly. What’s with that?   Greggsing – This is something that’s happened to everyone, but it’s only just been given a name. You start talking to someone on an app – or maybe you met them briefly online. You’re chatting away, it’s all going great, and you arrange to meet. Then you get there, and it turns out they’re not the person you thought they were – they are actually a sentient steak bake. I know, right? How can they even text when they’re just made of pastry and diced beef? They don’t even have hands.   Spongebobbing – WhEn tHeY StART rEpLyiNG tO aLL YoUR MesSaGEs LikE tHIs   Ross Kemping – This is a bit like ‘zombie-ing’, when you don’t hear from someone in like three month, then they jump back into your DMs. How does they explain their absence? They’ve been in Latin America filming a documentary about violent street gangs, or in Shanghai speaking to the triads. A likely story.   Experienced any other strange new dating trends recently? Let us know!