"Man alive! There are... men... alive in here."
You can always tell when you're in an all-male household, apart from the fact that each bedroom is occupied by a male. There's an ambience, an aura, a musk that hovers in the air and, to some extent, the carpet. The things guys do, say and leave lying around make for an unmistakable environment.
Obviously we’re not saying that girls don’t do these things, nor are we saying that all men do them either, but when you put a bunch of dudes in a confined space, there is certain amount of shit that goes down. What kind of shit? Well...
1. Your house either smells of bacon or cologne.
2. House noticeboards are rarely used for actually giving notice.
3. It’s perfectly acceptable to hang out in your boxers.
4. As long as you’re not actually hanging out.
5. Though it is an absolute certainty that you will see a testicle or two before your tenancy is up.
6. Farts. Farts all the time.
7. And the marking of farts out of 10
Photo: BBC
8. Whenever a girl comes round, it's like someone opened all the windows and let fresh air in.
Suddenly everything seems to clean, so wholesome.
9. Every conversation, however it started, inevitably ends up being about sex.
10. If it’s around 10pm, Family Guy will be on the television, no exceptions.
Of course, it's on ITV2 now. It just ain't the same since BBC Three went off the air.
11. If you’re the first to fall asleep, well, you should have known better.
12. If food is left alone for more than five minutes, it will be eaten.
13. There’s always at least a couple of pubes on the toilet seat at any given time.
15. At some point you will all realise it's 4am and you've been playing FIFA for two days straight.
16. Your living room arrangements are unconventional to say the least.
17. Someone will yell "Pub!" and suddenly, without realising, you'll all be on the way to the pub.
18. Life hacks in an all-male house have a certain... je ne sais quoi.
19. Housework does get done, just in a very specific and not at all dangerous way.
20. There is at least one dick drawing somewhere around the house.
21. All the essentials are taken care of.
22. And some days you wake up to find your house looking like this and think, "My life is brilliant".
