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11th Mar 2018

Dr Oz warns of “Triangle of Death” on our faces we need to know about

Is he a doctor like Dr Dre is a doctor?

Kyle Picknell

It’s like the Bermuda Triangle, but deadlier, and on your face.

Ladies and gentleman I regret to inform that we are no longer allowed to get spots on our face. This is simply no longer permissible because we will die. We will pick the spot and we will die. This is what will happen now because a TV doctor has said so. Sorry about that.

Dr Mehmet Oz, an American celebrity doctor and therefore extremely reliable, the most reliable kind in fact, has claimed that there is a “triangle of death” on your face that can lead to serious health problems if you get an infected pimple in the area and pick it.

He states that the triangle, from each edge of your mouth to the top of the nose, is so dangerous because the veins drain straight to the brain from that area. He even says that he has seen a pimple in that zone eventually result in a brain abscess.

Whilst it is difficult to take his grave warning about literally just the middle of our faces too seriously, it must be said that Dr Oz is actually a qualified physician, and still practices cardiology, alongside his day to day role of appearing on American chat shows and making people terrified about their own noses.

The good news is there is very little evidence to back up what Dr Oz is saying about the “triangle of death”. The bad news is that there are lots of gullible people in America who have watched the video below and are now likely to be seen traipsing about in a mask like Bane from The Dark Knight Rises to protect their oh so vulnerable “triangle of death”.

Actually no, that’s still good news. That’d be hilarious. I take it all back.