1. Americans love America
Photo: @JaxDivorceAtty
2. And in America, Americans care about American things
Photo: KingofSunnyvale
3. America is pretty litigious, so try not to get sued - you can't even trust kids not to take you to court
Photo: @laetitiabrock
4. And try not to get sick either
Photo: @713Hyatt
Get travel insurance. For the love of God, get travel insurance!
5. There are guns literally everywhere, so much so they have to warn you not to have guns in some places
Photo: @anthony_cimino9
6. Even Jeeps have the right to bare arms
Photo: @OConnorBooks
7. They take patriotism very seriously
8. So you better treat the stars and stripes with some respect
Photo: @DaveKeating
9. Or, alternatively...
Photo: @RosieCarterX
10. They have many culinary delights in America
Photo: @tobyrolph
And this is not one of them.
11. Cultural pursuits are very important in America
Okay, you can't pretend that that wasn't 100% awesome.
12. As are sports, and they're really good at them
Photo: KickinTread
13. If you don't have easy access to fries at all times, you're not doing America right
Photo: Tsabo
14. We're not saying they love fast food, but...
Photo: PlayboyMommy
15. One thing they really, really, really like though, is beer
If you can call that beer.
16. In fact, it's hard to say which they love more: beer or guns
Photo: in_the_no_know
17. And, like fries, you should have easy access to a beer at all times
Photo: ar15longrange
18. Religion is big in America, as is flash flooding, apparently
Photo: @TRGoodwin
19. US mainstream media is, er, patchy at best
Photo: shiskebob
$100,000 x 14 = ...yep, checks out.
20. If they can't make it better, they'll make it bigger
Photo: esiper
21. Basically, if you smell bacon cooking on the barrel of a gun, you know you're in America
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