1. A floor so covered with old spilt booze that your shoes stick to it if you stay still for too long.
Image: Twitter: @mandlecreed
2. A name that sounds like it’s been thought of by a candidate on The Apprentice.
Image: YouTube
3. Some kind of deal on Jägerbombs, which are made with discount energy drink not Red Bull.
Image: Twitter: @onlymemories_
4. About 50 different flavours of Corky’s, or something similar but equally bad.
Image: Twitter: @corkysschnapps
5. Drinks tokens which you’re given if you get in before a certain time.
Image: Twitter: @MerryKish
6. The “main room” which mostly plays pop music from a couple of years ago with the odd new song chucked in.
Image: YouTube
7. A second “indie room” which basically just plays songs by bands like The Killers from the ’00s.
Image: Twitter: @Leadmill
8. The occasional “special appearance” from a bloke who was on TOWIE four years ago.
Image: Twitter: @PopworldBpool
9. A “VIP area” which is just a normal table with a bit of rope separating it from the rest of the club.
Image: Instagram: @martiqe
10. Bouncers who are extremely strict on ID and the dress code given no one really wants to be in there anyway.
Image: Twitter: @KeaneNikki
11. A plastic tub of very old and withered limes for when someone orders a tequila.
Image: Twitter: @ElkBar_Fulham
12. Horribly bright toilets with “graffiti” scribbled on the walls.
Image: Twitter: @emmaswiftsings
13. And cubicles with doors that don’t lock properly, so you have to hold them shut.
Image: Twitter: @hotelgmtweets
14. Fishbowl cocktails which have barely any actual booze in them and somehow glow in the dark.
Image: Twitter: @whatupjayyy
15. A DJ who thinks he’s a lot, lot better than he is.
Image: eBay
16. An official photographer who would take about six terrible photos of you and your mates, which then appear on the club’s Facebook page with a massive watermark on them a few days later.
Image: weknowmemes.com
17. Club nights with awful, awful names like “Frat Party Fridays” and “Candyland”.
Image: tonybeats.wordpress.com
18. A pole in the middle of the dance floor, which probably supports the entire building.
Image: Twitter: @rubiafotografa
19. Walls that literally drip with sweat.
Image: Flickr
20. A really depressing smoking area / cage which is usually as busy as the dancefloor.
Image: Twitter: @fionnulamac
21. The smell of cheap, sugary alcohol which wafts through the entire building.
Image: Twitter: @mccarroll236
22. “Mr Brightside” always being the last song and all the guys in the room grabbing each other, jumping up and down and shouting the words.
Image: YouTube
23. A stamp that always takes about three showers to wash off.
