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4th January 2017
03:45pm GMT

Photo: Pixabay
It sounds harsh but honestly, no one cares what you're doing (unless you're acting like a prick, in which case it's advisable that you stop acting like a prick). Everyone in the gym is there to work; they're focused on their own workout and are too tired and sweaty to care about whatever you're doing, so crack on and don't worry about people looking at you, because they're not.
Photo: Pixabay
My biggest fear, as someone who had never been to a gym before, was that I wouldn't know how to use all the machines. In fact, they couldn't be simpler if they tried. People who make gym equipment want as many people to use it as possible, so they dumb everything down and make all the options as obvious as possible.
In general there are two kinds of machine: things that make you move and things that you make move. Each of them should have a simple set of instructions that tell you how to set up the machine (which is never more complicated than pulling a lever) and how to use it safely. Honestly, it's so easy.
Photo: Brisbane City Council
That said, if something doesn't seem right to you or you're not totally clear on how something works, ask someone in the gym. The staff are there to help and make sure you don't hurt yourself, so they'll be only too happy to show you what to do.
If you can't spot a member of staff, try asking someone who looks like they know what they're doing at the gym and aren't in the middle of an exercise. Chances are they've been there themselves and would be happy to give you a few pointers.
Photo: Free Stock Photos
In fact, it's probably wise to bring a towel anyway, just in case. The whole point of the gym is to make you sweat, but that doesn't make it any more pleasant, so its good to have something to mop your brow with and dry your hands on.
If the machines are looking a bit moist after you've been working out on them, be a gent and give it a wipe down before moving on. Equally, if someone hasn't been so considerate when vacating the equipment before you, at least you have the option of cleaning it up before starting your workout.
Photo: @luis_zamora3
Your mum doesn't work at the gym, and even if she does, she's got better things to do than clean up after you. Put things back where you found them. That goes for weights, equipment, benches, mats, everything. If it has a home, make sure it goes back to it.
Photo: istolethetv
This is just day one. Day one is about finding your feet, getting familiar and comfortable with the gym, trying things out and seeing how you go. There's no need to push yourself to the absolute limit just yet; in fact, you'll probably just do yourself in, wake up the next day unable to move and resolve never to go to the gym again.
You need to find your limits before you can push them, so start off with smaller weights, slower speeds and easier settings, then work your way up. The pain will come soon enough, don't you worry.
Photo: Pixabay
Availability of machines will dictate which parts of your body you can work on, but try to avoid hammering the same part over and over again. As a newbie, you don't want to do arm exercise after arm exercise after arm exercise, as your arms will not relish the attention.
Work on your arms, then do your legs, then maybe your chest, then your shoulders - break it up. And don't rush back the next day, thinking that working out every day is necessary to get fit. Your body needs time to repair the damage you've done in the gym - that's when the muscle builds.
Photo: localfitness.com.au
A lot of gyms offer new members a free introductory session with a personal trainer. This would be a great way to get to know the gym and understand fitness without feeling intimidated or confused.
Your trainer can help you work out a routine that will get you on the way to achieving your goals, or if you've got the money, you can carry on training with them and hopefully get a really efficient fitness routine going.
Photo: Shantece Gonzalez
It's your gym as much as anyone else's and you have the right to go and use any part of it. It's tempting to just stick by the treadmills as they look simple and familiar, but there are so many other things to explore. Check out the free weights; go to the sauna; see if there are any classes running that you can join.
Put it this way: you're spending at least £20-a-month on this place, so you'd better make the most of it.
Photo: @mohammadali0522
It's just one of those things. Maybe it's a generational quirk, but for some reason, older people seem to be cool with walking about bollock naked. Perhaps they've just reached that precious age where they sincerely stop giving a fuck.
We've all got bodies and we've all got to get comfortable with them, but just be advised that wrinkly old man dick is something you can reasonably expect to encounter in the locker room.
Photo: Pexels
Very few people are born in gymnasiums, so few that the Office for National Statistics doesn't bother recording them. Everyone else had to come to the gym as a newbie, just like you. They had to ask questions, work hard and struggle along, just like you.
You may not look like the hench dudes on the benchpress yet, but remember that they probably looked a lot like you on their first day. As we mentioned before, no one else in the gym is worried about what you're doing, but if they're thinking anything, it's "good on you".
Photo: Brock A. Taylor
The main thing to do at the gym (besides work out, obviously) is be cool. That is to say, don't be a dick. Hitting the gym and lifting heavy weights is a pretty macho pursuit, but that's not a licence to be a meathead.
Be polite, be respectful. Don't get in the way, don't do anything stupid. Help make the gym the kind of place you hoped it would be when you walked in for the first time.
Photo: @ShortyTorres125
Yep, you're gonna be sore, but you'll be glad you did it.
Photo: Fashionably Geek